Vote The Bird in '08
I believe it to be a fact that regardless if a politician is Republican or Democrat, special interest groups control them both, and in turn control our country.
It was not until the past five years that I realized that the qualifications to be President of the United States were really not that difficult to meet.
So “The Bird” has decided to throw his hat into the ring for the 2008 Presidential Election.
My campaign will be based upon the old Stealer’s Wheels classic lyrics “Clowns to the Left of Me, Jokers to My Right, Here I Am Stuck in the Middle With You”.
I will not run on any of the traditional Party tickets Democratic, Republican, Independent, or Green as they have each failed in my humble opinion to address the needs of the American citizen.
Rather, I will create a new Party, the Toga Party.
Why the Toga Party?
First, the Greeks started the foundation of Democracy, and these ole boys wore togas.
Second, who among us did not love the movie Animal House (A little bit louder now, a little bit louder now, a little bit louder now…).
Finally, for once when a Southern white male wears a sheet it will be for a good cause.
If elected President I pledge to the citizens of this great nation the following:
1) I will downsize the bureaucracy of Federal government by cutting the Federal government by no less then 60%, pushing resources and accountability down to State and Local government levels.
2) I will invest in defense spending, but I will also provide the resources to support those whom serve and have served in our nation’s military with regards to housing and healthcare.
3) Education will no longer receive lip service. Education is the single factor that is the root to so many of our nation’s problems. America’s Public Education system will be the best in the world.
4) I will privatize the United States Postal Service. If we are going to have policies such as “Do Not Call List for Telemarketers, and anti-spam for the Internet, we need to also eliminate “junk mail”. This will make the USPS a financial loser for the taxpayer, so we will sell it.
5) I will provide the financial resources and the initiatives similar to JFK’s challenge to put a man on the moon with regards to calling for an alternative to fossil fuels.
6) Those in our military lose many freedoms when they enlist to serve our country. I would propose a lobbyist reform act that will require any interaction between Federal politicians and special interest lobbyist to be public record within 48 hours of these discussions. Further elected officials will not be allowed to serve in lobbying capacities for 5 years after they leave office.
7) I will take an aggressive stance regarding our environment, aiding our planet and creating new economies.
Sure I have other ideas, but as President I believe it is important one more effectively balance the influence between Wall Street and Main Street. So please post your ideas below and encourage your friends to do so as well. After all running for President closely resembles running for Prom Queen, in its purist form it is a popularity contest.
I also realize we have other important issues like Healthcare, Medicaid, Medicare, and Social Security to name a few. However many of these issues are simply the byproducts of the issues I have pledged to address above.
How do you pay for these things?
1) By eliminating the bureaucracy of federal government it will provide us with a surplus of money that we do not have today.
2) Loopholes and tax shelters for the wealthiest individuals will be eliminated.
3) Payroll taxes will be required of U.S. Businesses regardless of where the employee may live on our planet.
4) Being an economic superpower, we will flex our economic muscle in the G8 and China in shaping the global economy.
5) The Federal government will not govern individual morality. We will encourage States to do the same, by closely regulating and taxing the legalization of gambling, drugs, and prostitution. These are things that no civilization can eliminate. The money to be made on the taxes, the cost saved on enforcement, and the crippling blow to organized crime would be a windfall to our economy. (This is an upcoming article in the Poop)
In the words of the late, great John Belushi “Toga, Toga, Toga…”, and I ask for your vote. Remember “The Bird in ’08”!
posted by The Bird Poop @ 1:18 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
You have my Vote Bird! I'll tell all my friends! I need one of your Bumper stickers and pins to wear :-) your Ideas are great! you are the only person besides my Father-in-law that i ever heard mention legalizing Drugs,prostitution, and Gambling. Sounds like a great plan
Hey Bird - the above-mentioned Katt directed me to your site:(No relation to Charlie Parker I don't suppose?)
One qualification for being President is to be EXTREMELY rich, preferably from oil. Do you qualify?
Devolving power to the local level is a GOOD move.
I don't want to carp, but wasn't it the Romans who wore togas? (very fetching all the same!)
I'm not with you on defense spending as I see it as a self fulfilling prophesy.
Long term, you can cure anything with education!
You could be wrong privatising the Mail - and do consider just how much revenue the service gets from junk mail. Don't misunderstand me, I hate the stuff and consider it a waste of resources, but...
No.5 is good - see http://www.stonethrower.blogspot.com/
I like 6 - it has a touch of originality.
For 7 see comment for 5.
And if I lived in USA I would certainly vote for you!
However, my vote doesn't seem to make any difference in UK, so I don't think you will benefit much from it! But good luck anyway!
No relation to Charlie Parker.
You are correct regarding the financial qualification for the office. That is part of the problem.
You are also correct that Toga originated from latin, and a white toga represented the purity of the Roman candidate. The Greeks actually wore garments similar to cloaks, but I did not feel that the Cloak Party would be easy to brand in politics, although it is probably symbolic for our current political climate.
Until man can evolve from that of the hunter to that of true intellect, love for his fellow man, and appreciation for building consensus I support a strong defense. Diversity is what makes people interesting, commongrounds is what makes people friends, and there is always commonground.
I don't like either, but Spam can be deleted, telemarketers can be hung up on and they are about revenues.
Education is the key, but why does the wealthiest nation in the world rank near the bottom in education? And why do we not extend public education into the State Universities? We have the money, the technology, just not the support of the politicians.
I will check out stonethrower blog this evening. I am sure it will have many good reads.
My campaign is one of satire, rather than politics. So I thank you for your vote!
Warmest regards,
The Bird
1) I will downsize the bureaucracy of Federal government by cutting the Federal government by no less then 60%, pushing resources and accountability down to State and Local government levels.
Doesn't this just create 50 bureaucracies instead of one? Isn't there a benefit to the economy of scale?
2) I will not only increase defense spending, but I will provide the resources to support those whom serve and have served in our nation’s military with regards to housing and healthcare.
Do you have to increase defense spending? Couldn't you just shift funds from star wars, and other paranoid super-secret Pentagon spending to housing and healthcare?
3) Education will no longer receive lip service. This single factor is the root to so many of our nation’s problems. America’s Public Education system will be the best in the world.
But I thought you were going to push all this bureaucratic stuff down to the states? So, Mr. President, what role does the federal government have in education?
That said, good students should never be turned away from higher education solely for financial reasons.
4) I will privatize the United States Postal Service. If we are going to have policies such as “Do Not Call List for Telemarketers, and anti-spam for the Internet, we need to eliminate “junk mail”.
The USPS is already a quasi-independent organization. Since the Postal Reorganization Act (1971), the USPS has been run be a board of governors and not Congress. The USPS is largely self sufficient and does not receive a public subsidy, though it can borrow money.
You can request junk mail, mail not addressed directly to you (i.e. addressed simply to "occupant" or "postal customer"), be held back. Direct mail, like that LL Bean catalog or credit card offers, are legitimate as they are addressed to an individual. It is unreasonable to expect the Post Office to clairvoyantly determine what mail, addressed to you, you will not want. However, I would work to eliminate the discount rate for bulk and direct mail.
5) I will provide the financial resources and the initiatives similar to JFK’s challenge to put a man on the moon with regards to calling for an alternative to fossil fuels.
Yes, yes, yes!
6) Those in our military lose many freedoms when they enlist to serve our country. I would propose a lobbyist reform act that will require any interaction between Federal politicians and special interest lobbyist to be public record within 48 hours of these discussions. Further elected officials will not be allowed to serve in lobbying capacities for 5 years after they leave office.
I'm choking back tears...
7) I will take an aggressive stance regarding our environment, aiding our planet and creating new economies.
Bravo. Environmentally sound economies don't cost money, the create technology and jobs.
How do you pay for these things?
1) By eliminating the bureaucracy of federal government it will provide us with a surplus of money that we do not have today.
Shifting federal programs to the state simply moves my tax money from the federal column to the state column. While making the feds look like their doing me a favor they really just changed the address to where I send my money.
2) Loopholes and tax shelters for the wealthiest individuals will be eliminated.
Good one.
3) Payroll taxes will be required of U.S. Businesses regardless of where the employee may live on our planet.
Good.
4) Being an economic superpower, we will flex our economic muscle in the G8 and China in shaping the global economy.
If this means working to establish a level playing field regarding global worker's rights and environmental standards, I'm all for it.
5) The Federal government will not govern individual morality. We will encourage States to do the same, by closely regulating and taxing the legalization of gambling, drugs, and prostitution. These are things that no civilization can eliminate. The money to be made on the taxes, the cost saved on enforcement, and the crippling blow to organized crime would be a windfall to our economy. (This is an upcoming article in the Poop)
There are some drugs that are little more than poison and should be illegal. The determination should be made clinically, not evangelically.
---------------
My ideas:
1) Top down evaluation of all government supported health plans: Medicare, Medicaid, military. Determine the efficacy of simply replacing the various bureaucracies with a single national healthcare system. There has got to be a way to provide some level of national healthcare, perhaps supplemented by private insurance for hypochondriacs and those wishing a royal suite when in hospital.
2) Aggressively pursuing the "well regulated" part of the Second Amendment. We have to reclaim the Second Amendment for the "cold dead hands" of the NRA. I've got nothing against private gun ownership, I do have a problem with NRA-type groups based on fear and antisocial behavior.
3) Everyone pays into FICA as everyone pays income tax. No cap on FICA income.
I'm sure I'll think of more later.
Thanks for the feedback.
I will attempt to reply to each of your comments.
1) No I believe we have too many overlaps between State and Federal government. The overhead for this administration and bureaucracy are substantial.
Not to mention that groups such as the EPA, HHS, FDA, OCC, and many others are owned by Special Interests.
The general intent is to push everything down to local government and not State.
There has been strong debates over student teacher ratios, why not make the same for politics. Who know's what is best for your community you as a citizen, or a citizen in another state? Who should address these concerns politically?
2) Regarding Defense Spending, Star Wars would be gone. It is an idiotic plan to start with when the reality is our greatest nuclear threat would probably be delivered in a suitcase. You might as well try to build a Deathstar vs. Star Wars.
Also our military should not be used for nation building and police actions, another lie the current President made during his campaign.
I do believe that mandatory 4 years services with no exemptions should be debated.
3) It is not the government's place to compete with the private sector. The USPS can not hold a candle to the business effiencies of FED-EX and UPS. While I am not a lawyer I believe it is difficult to make an argument against telemarketers and Spammers when the government allows junk mail.
Besides it is a waste of human and natural resources. Perhaps your solution of substantially increasing the cost of bulk mail would address this though.
4) Ask your local school board how Now Child Left Behind has impacted their capacity to educate. The Department of Education would be cut as well as other departments. The money that we are spending on Federal Bureaucracy should be spent on increasing salaries for the teachers. By forcing education to the states, those choosing not to radically improve Public Schools, would I believe see an impact on their economic development, and a increase on other government cost (i.e. social services, health, law enforcement, and etc...).
When compared to other developed nations our current system has failed.
How to Pay for these efforts?
1)The purpose of my message is the government that governs best is the closest one to you. Many local governments face a crisis in the requirement to provide public services, while State and Federal Government still have Pork Barrel spending.
Your right innovation will never come from the bureacracy of Federal and State Governments. It will come from citizens that build communities and participate in local government. The tax base is merely the seeds to make innovation grow. And is'nt innovation what we need to address many of our underlying problems. Sure some may fell, but others successes will be models for others and be a competitive advantage for economic development.
Kick the money down to the trenches.
4)Your absolutely right. Human rights and environmental standards should be required of all participants of the global economy.
5) All drugs have side effects as well as addictions. Morally I have some issues with taxing and selling say heroin. With that said the current system does not work. If a person wants drugs they can find them and buy them. By legalizing them you reduce the cost to the indivdual to purchase them, and eliminate many of the criminal factors. What percentage of sells did bootleg whiskey have during prohibition vs. today? What impact did these sells during prohibition have on organizaed crime?
I like your ideas.
1) What if instead of socializing healthcare, we socialized insurance?
2)What I find funny is that no indivdual's arsenal can protect them from an angry government as many of the radical gun nuts believe.
With that said I support the right to bare arms, it is how weapons are sold that need far more regulation.
3) You are absolutely correct regarding FICA caps.
You guys write too much. You've gotta remember that lazy readers like me don't wanna read all that crap to get to the punchline!
I believe it to be a fact that regardless if a politician is Republican or Democrat, special interest groups control them both, and in turn control our country.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Stay away from the special interest groups and you'll GMV.
Thanks for the feedback.
I apologize for being long winded, but I feel it is necessary to sit the stage with thoughts and not just punchlines. We have plenty of just punchlines without thought, one needs to only turn to Michael Moore or Rush Limbaugh.
The impact of special interest are destroying America, maybe instead of having troops in Iraq we should turn them on Washington.
Bird, you the MAN! I like all your ideas. Please put them into action SOON. WE need to get going in the right direction, ie the OTHER way from the current path. You are long-winded and ACCURATE. Difficult tasks take TIME...you take that time and use it well, thank you. Thank you for speaking up, we need more like you. Keep it up! I also respect your readers' comments...very thoughtful.
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