Thank You Mr. President?

When I started this blog it was for the sole intent as claimed in my introduction as a rhetorical exercise for the quest of humor, sanity, and other great things that make the world go around.

Well, I am back....

It was never my diliberate intent to slant my writings toward the political forums, but if you review my blog the majority of the blogs did focus on this due to the historical incompetency demonstrated by this administration.

With that said, Americans owe a great debt of gratitude to this President, as a role model to the future young minds of America:

Indeed President Bush has proven:

That one does not have to be bright to lead the most powerful nation on the planet.

That one can commit crimes from snorting blow, to driving while impaired, to avoiding military service, to lieing us into a war we had no business in STARTING, through the potential act of treason to support a Machavellian mind set that is the foundation of the Neo-Conservative agenda reflected in nearly every aspect of our foreign policy from the Mideast, to China, to our border security.

Spin and Marketing is everything and we only accept facts that are for our policies and not against them, as we expect the same thing from our allies (lap dogs) like Great Britain.

How to effectively use divide and conquer strategies in achieving your end goals. This especially worked well in the election of 2004, when a proven loser such as George W. Bush defeated a potential loser like John Kerry. It is sad these same tactics were not used in our so-called “war on terrorism”.

Yes if Bill Clinton was the honorary first black president, then George W, Bush beat Hillary to the punch of being the first honorary woman president:

NO Balls, although the President has no masculine or feminine characteristics (courage, integrity, honesty, or backbone) what so ever to lead this great nation.

We as a nation are indeed in a great deal of debt to this President and his neo-conservative administration for showing our future where ideology stops and potential treason starts.

Impeachment is now inevitable, criminal charges are highly probable, and the only questions should be is when will this happen, and possibly how long do the hangman’s ropes need to be?

The time is now, to IMPEACH the President, and bring criminal charges on the radical terrorist elements of the neo-conservative movement in America.

The Bird is back, unfortunately the political climate in our great nation still sucks!

Welcome to The Bird Poop!

The Bird Poop

Introdution

Welcome to “The Bird Poop”, a rhetorical exercise for the quest of humor, sanity, and other great things that make the world go around.

You and I share this planet with over 6 .5 billion other people, some who take themselves far too seriously. I suppose if this were a crime, we would all deserve the occasional fine, flogging or frying, depending upon the judge.

Why “The Bird Poop”?

The Bird” has been my nickname going back to my youth when I still pooped yellow. For those of you unfamiliar with Starlings (My last name), they are little black birds in the South that like eating your new grass seeds and then poop on your freshly washed car.

As for “Poop”, first it is harder to offend people by referring to my own rantings out of the gate as “Poop”. Secondly the word “Poop” sounded a heck of lot nicer than crap or shit, it had a better ring than doo-doo, and was not as clinical as feces.

This bird’s nest was made in the USA. It has no boundaries, and is made with a little straw, a bit of wit, and a complete lack of sensitivity.

As you read the Poop, please understand that English is my second language, and I do not have a first. Also I believe being able to spell a word only one way shows a complete lack of creativity.

Yes the only PC here is the one I am pecking on. So sit back and hang on, The Bird Poop revolution has begun!

Nothing but love,

The Bird

Military History 101

Alexander the Great did it. The Roman Empire did it. The British Empire did it. Even General George Patton did it.

What did they do? They utilized military and infrastructure resources of their conquered enemy to maintain order of the conquered land.

The first U.S. Administrator Paul Bremmer ordered on May 23, 2003 to disband Hussein's nearly 400,000-strong army is just another example of mismanagement of the War in Iraq by this administration and the Pentagon.

They removed the Iraqi army when there were not enough U.S. troops to fully secure the country. This left borders open, flamed the insurgency and encouraged the growth of private militias, the critics say. Jobless and embittered, many troops have turned to the insurgency.

In fact, according to the Washington Post the majority of insurents are Iraqi nationals. It is impossible to estimate the number of insurgents, the Pentagon has claimed 10,000 -15,000.

The credibility of Intelligence from the bureuacrats at the Pentagon and this Administration seems to get lower everyday, so it is not without reason that many critics backed by resources such as the London Times believe that number to be a great a deal higher.

After 3 years this Administration has finally decided to actively call upon the soldiers of Saddam' s army to enlist in the new army at their old ranks.

In History 101 our military gets A's, the Administration F's. That is one hell of a bell curve, and is the reason why many consider Iraq to be such a mess.

Maybe next time the President will except Rumsfeld's resignation.

What's Wrong With Walmart?

The Red Star can be found on Red Chinese Soldiers Uniforms, their tanks, their missiles, and now they may be found on America's largest business... I think they are trying to tell us something.

Red China Meets Red Neck

Originally posted on February 26, 2005

With the class action law suits, and continued hiring/contracting of illeagal aliens I have pulled this post from the archives as it is worth a read to any new visitors to the Birdpoop.

Setting the Stage

Walmart is the largest business in America, and its annual revenues are the envy of other retailers even other nations. Founded by former K-Mart executive Sam Walton, Walmart burst onto the retail scene led by what many considered “good ole fashion American innovation”.

Today many view Walmart to be one of the more controversial companies in the United States. Walmart’s “one-stop shopping” has been blamed by many for destroying main street businesses and rural economies across the nation. Meanwhile many families in urban and rural communities turn to Super Walmarts to aid in the most important economy, one’s household.

Labor and Business Relations

Walmart has hired and contracted illegal labor in the US, and purchases products from businesses in countries around the world that use oppressed labor. Walmart has been accused of breaking labor laws in states across the USA including hiring illegal aliens, discrimination, denying benefits, and forcing employees to work of the clock.

The sheer size of the organization in number of stores across the world allows them to dictate pricing and for the most part non-negotiable terms with American and global manufactures of all shape and sizes wishing to do business in Walmart Stores.

By the end of January many of Walmart’s major suppliers (including American giant Microsoft) will be required to ship radio frequency identification (RFID) tags on all pallets of materials shipped to Walmart. “Wow, it's Mayberry RFID!”

But the Parking Lot is Always Full

The majority of us still shop at Walmart at some point each year. Many Americans even love Walmart, and visit daily or weekly.

Personally the number of times I have shopped at a Walmart in any given year can be counted on one hand. On the other hand my wife enjoys the convenience of Walmart.

I cannot lie when I do go to Walmart I usually leave with something I had no intention of purchasing when I entered the store. It is the other things I know I can count on in my Walmart shopping experience though that keeps me going back:

• Ugly people. If you elect not to bathe, wash your hair, shave, brush your teeth,or even wipe your butt prior to your Walmart shopping experience, don’t worry there will always be someone at Walmart that looks and smell worst than you do.
• Drinking and shopping. So let’s say you decide to do a little binge drinking prior to your shopping experience, don’t worry there will always be someone there that started drinking 30 minutes before you did.
• Products manufactured in countries that have no regards for human rights, equate to lower cost to the American consumer.
• Like the Cartwrights walking to the corrupt sheriffs office to spring little Joe on a thrilling episode of Bonanza, many folks shopping together at Walmart believe they must walk side by side through Walmart’s aisles.
• The scowl of overworked and underpaid employees, and the little smiley face roll-back signs all over the store.
• You have twisted mini Springer episodes that are free to the shopper as some Walmart clients talk on their cell phones about all sorts of subjects, while they fill their carts with beer, smokes, and baby formula.

Please do not take this as an elitist slam on Walmart customers as a whole, because almost all of us fall into the category of being a Walmart customer at some point of our lives. In fact on the street I grew up the further you went down our street the sorrier people got, our house was the last house on the left!

But the next time you go to the Super Walmart to buy your groceries, change your car’s oil, purchase your gas, get your child’s birthday gift, bring home a pre-censored DVD, do your banking and to have your hair done, if you happen to be one of these Springer refugees, PLEASE don’t forget to stop by the Walmart Pharmacy and pick up your birth control.

The China Syndrome

If Walmart were a country, it would be the 8th largest importer of products made in China. Put aside for a moment corporate security issues, and China's manipulation of currency, we as a nation have national security issues we should consider with regards to China.

In all our excitement to kill terrorist, we seem to have forgotten about Communism, and the continued build up of the Red China army. After all, it was only a few years ago that the same nation of China, the same country that big business is anxious to embrace in the global economy massacred student protestors at Teinemen Square.

The largest supporter of crazy Lil’ Kim and his North Korean Axis of Evil Band is you guessed it “Red China”.

And it was during the Korean Conflict we killed over 400,000 Chinese, they killed over 40,000 Americans/UN allies, and the home team of Korea suffered over 2 Million deaths due to North Korea and China’s “Korean Unification Policy”. Conflicts are Hell!

So if this is the fortune cookie of the American economy, what is our fortune,… “Got egg rolls?”

Conclusion

As for you swine screwing (Soooey Pig) executives of Walmart and the Walton heirs “just get bent in Bentonville”, and as for me personally I think I will attempt even more to take my business elsewhere!

"I Had Other Priorities At The Time."

It is not a requirement that an elected official serve in the military, but with all the chest beating from the Neo-Cons regarding the War in Iraq you would have thought someone would have served in the military.

Dick Cheney is on the record of saying that "I had other priorities at the time".

George W. Bush dodged Vietnam by defending the skies of Alabama in the Air National Guard, where he went AWOL.

Frist, No Military Service. Delay, No Military Service. Rove, No Military Service. So what politicians did serve our country in military duty?

Hey, The Bird did not serve in the military either. But then again, I also did not start a war, mismanage a war, or lie about the reasons to go to war.

Another Word for Neo Con Politicians; Pussies

George W. Bush and his cronies have made a political career of slamming War Veterans. John McCain, John Kerry, and now John Murtha.

Yes the light is showing Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rove and the rest of the neo con gang for what they truly are, nothing more then Cads and Cowards.

House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) accused Murtha of delivering "the highest insult" to the troops. "We must not cower."

Majority Leader Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) informed Murtha that his views "only embolden our enemies" and lamented that "Democrats undermine our troops in Iraq from the security of their Washington, D.C., offices."

At a rival news conference called four hours after Murtha's appearance, Rep. J.D. Hayworth (R-Ariz.), who like Hastert and Blunt does not have military service on his rsum, alerted the 73-year-old Murtha that "the American people are made of sterner stuff." And Rep. John Carter (R-Tex.) said the likes of Murtha want to take "the cowardly way out and say, 'We're going to surrender.' "

Though Murtha had the last word:

"I like guys who've never been there to criticize us who've been there. I like that," the burly old Marine said, hands in pocket. Referring to Vice President Cheney, he continued: "I like guys who got five deferments and never been there, and send people to war, and then don't like to hear suggestions about what needs to be done."

-Congressman John Murtha (Retired Colonel USMC)

A New Neck Tie for the Administration?

This administration may well go down as not only the worst in our nation's history, but perhaps the first administration to be charged with treason.

Constitutionally treason is a very difficult charge to prove, but if proven the consequences are far more serious than impeachment.

I believe it can be proven that the Bush administration planned on invading Iraq long before September 11, 2001.

I believe it may very well be proven that pre war intelligence was manipulated by this Administration to justify the invaision of Iraq.

I believe it is a matter of fact that the pre war intelligence available to the White House was far different than the intelligence available to the Senate. So the Republican propaganda that they had the same intelligence as we did is yet another case of perjury within the administration.

I believe it will be proven that it was a deliberate action of this administration to leak a CIA operative.

If all this can be proven should not the crime be treason?

Under the best light for this administration it took the worst case intelligence scenarios to justify the war, and expected the best case scenarios with regard to the outcome. They have been totally incompetent in their management and goals for the War in Iraq, and the mission.

Cowards from this administraion have misled America, especially our brave men and women in uniform. They beg for America to stay the course in what is a disaster. Our troops have succeeded on many fronts on their mission in Iraq, but a force fed democracy is not a realistic objective for the middle east.

Today, Representative John Murtha who served for 37 years in the United States Marine Corps said "U.S. and coalition troops have done all they can in Iraq. It's time for a change in direction."

"Our military has accomplished its mission and done its duty," he said. "Our military captured Saddam Hussein, captured or killed his closest associates, but the war continues to intensify."

"I resent the fact that on Veterans Day, they criticized Democrats for criticizing them," Murtha said. "This is a flawed policy wrapped in illusion. The American public knows it, and lashing out at critics doesn't help a bit. You've got to change the policy. That's what's going to help the American people. You need to change direction."

Nicely done sir!

The Great Neo-Conspiracy

What is a Neo-Con?

The Neo-Conservative?

The word Neo-Con first started out being a simple oxy moron for "New Conservative" or "New Traditionalist". But like it's members and those that support them the word is a living contradiction.

It starts with how can anyone be a New-Traditionalist, and secondly how can these people even be considered true conservatives. Abe Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Barry Goldwater, Henry Kissinger, even Newt Gingrich, were truly honorable old school conservative thinkers.

First of all not all Republicans are Neo-Cons. The modern father of the Neo-Con movement was the late President Ronald Reagan. The Neo-Cons are not thinkers or conservative. Their very existance is a foundation of scheming rather than dreaming. They promote hate over hope, and use fantastic spin machines and manipulation to attack their enemies and to cover their failures.

The Neo-Conartist?

But the "evolution" of the word Neo-Con, or if you are into the occult "intelligent design" does not stop with this single definition. The word Neo-Con has quickly morphed itself with a little help from its constituents into the "Neo-Conartist" or the "New Swindle", as it has manipulated millions of fine Americans into believing the Neo-Con agenda was best for the common man.

Nothing could be any further from the truth. The neo-conservatives answer only to special interests groups, big business, the upper 2% of the economic class, and occaisionally the radical religous right (America's Taliban).

The New Con offers the middle class modest tax cuts, but this money to the average American is quickly spent on state and local tax hikes which is a direct result of their idiotic federal policies such as no child left behind, border security policies, homeland security, and others.

The New Con promotes the global outsourcing of big business devastating to middle class incomes.

The New Con approves of the recent record breaking quarterly earnings for big oil industries, while the rest of us have picked up the tab at the pump, in our energy bills, and rising inflation.

The New Con promotes monopolies over competition.

The New Con promotes religion and values when they have neither.

The New Con uses words like war, patriotism and freedom to rally the masses but cares really only about their political ambitions for power.

The New Con is spending hard earned tax dollars on a War in Iraq, rather than investing in America. The New-Con attempts to justify the Iraq War in the name of national security.

The New Con feeds off the money, blood, and lives of middle class Americans.

The Neo-Convict?

America is a great place and the judgement day of the Neo-Cons has started and it is happening at a fast and furious pace. It promises to right these wrongs of Neo-Con Ideologies and propaganda.

Tom Delay has been indicted for conspiracy and money laundring.

Bill Frist is under Investigation, and may be indicted for insider trading.

And today Scooter Libby (Vice President's Cheif of Staff) was indicted for 1 count of obstruction of justice, 2 counts of perjury, and 2 counts of false statements.

A new grand jury might well be appointed in the near future to bring further indictments against other members of the Bush administration, including Karl Rove and Dick Cheney.

As Americans each of these individuals are entitled to their right to a fair trial and due process, but it is this writer's opinion that each of the Neo-Cons will eventually be revealed by their jury for what they truly are; Neo-Convicts.

But don't believe the Bird, give the American judicial system a chance. Wait and hear it from their juries. Wait for reality and not opinions.

Perhaps the words of President Bush actually said it best today in a speech he delivered in Norfolk, Virginia shortly after Libby's indictment:

“Evil men obsessed with ambition and unburdened by conscience must be taken very seriously and we must stop them before their crimes multiply.” -George W. Bush

AMEN Mr. President!

As for the rest of us keep the faith, because the truth will set you free.

NOTE:

Speaking of the truth:

1. The Neo-Con Agenda Link in this post is a rather radical left Opinion/Editorial. I do not agree with many things in this essay. Although I do believe it represents a more accurate portrayal of the Neo-Conservative agenda than the propaganda found on Neo-Con radio.
2. The quote in this post by the President is accurate, but like hate radio I took it completely out of context. The President made this statement in reference to a metaphor he was using comparing Al-Quida to Hitler and Stalin, and not Neo-Con Indictments.
3. I hope you will find there are some big differences between the Birdpoop and hate radio. I state in my opening that my blog represents my opinions and observations. I give equal time to those commenting on my opinions pro or con. Heck, I have even left the Spammers post. And I have the integrity to inform the reader when I use quotes out of context.

My Greatest Day!

Six Years ago today was the greatest day of my life. It was on October 28, 1999 that my son was born.

You and your sister are now and always will be my pride and joy.

Happy Birthday Big Guy!

On the Fly...

October 27, 2005
On the Fly…

Do Politicians Look Good in Orange Jump Suits?

The self-proclaimed values based neo conservatives continue to live up to expectations, that is if you consider values to be graft, corruption and cronyism.

As of this date America awaits to see what indictments if any will hit this administration. And what about Hot Tub Tommy, the hammer now is in the hands of Ronnie Earle? And don’t forget Dr. Do-Little Bill Frist and a possible indictment of insider trading regarding his dumping of shares of Columbia HCA stock.

Unfortunately graft, corruption, and cronyism has become the foundation of American politics at local, state, and federal levels, and it is not limited to just the neo-conservatives. In fact it may be the last bastion of truly bi-partisan ideologies.

It is especially prominent in the South, where “the good ole boy” governing has been a staple of Southern government that goes back to the colonies. Another example of this was in the Washinton Post today when Former Democratic Governor Don Siegelman of Alabama was indicted for racketeering.

Of course just like the above-mentioned neo conservatives, Siegelman has dismissed this grand jury probe as a political witch-hunt.

Whether it is Republicans or Democrats it seems that personal accountability only applies to the common man.

Look if you are in an elected position, and trusted by your constituents to lawfully represent them and their best interest then do so. But as with anyone who is placed in a powerful position, you are going to make enemies. These enemies will pounce at the chance to bring you down. If you chose to dance to close to the flame, whether you are Delay or Siegelman you have to recognize this.

We live in a wonderful country where we fight our revolutions in the voting booth. If necessary these revolutions will be fought in a court of law, where you are innocent until proven guilty. Say what you will about lawyers or prosecutors, but it beats blood in the streets.

So regardless of what side of the political fence you fall on it all comes down to 2 clichés; “The truth will set you free”, or “Don’t do the crime if you can not do the time.”

Here Comes the Judge?

Today Harriet Miers formally withdrew her nomination for the Supreme Court.

In 2004 Boy George promised those that voted him in office, while he did not have a litmus test for Supreme Court nominees that he was looking for someone in the mold of Anthony Scalia or Clarence Thomas.

After what seemed to be a slam-dunk middle of the road decision in the appointment of John Roberts, his fellow neo conservatives were looking for the President to fulfill those expectations he established in 2004 for his second Supreme Court nominee.

Evidently Ms. Miers did not meet these neo conservative expectations.

Perhaps she did not meet the Roe vs. Wade litmus test of the powers in the neo conservative congress and senate?

Perhaps it was due to her arrogant responses to her questionnaire to congress regarding her views to the interpretation of constitutional law, and her capabilities to be an effective Supreme Court judge?

Perhaps it was like Laura Bush said that many of the neo conservatives might have problems with a woman nominee?

Perhaps she was missing the Anthony Scalia uni-brow?

Or perhaps a woman that needs a can of WD-40 and a oyster knife just to masturbate, had to many sexual hang ups when compared to Clarence Thomas, a man who had an alleged history of loose an aggressive sexual behavior?

What I do know, she lost me when she said George W. Bush was the most brilliant man she had ever met. After this statement I not only questioned her ability to be an effective judge, but even her mental competency as an American citizen to even stand trial.

For different reasons for once I am in the Neo Conservative Camp! Pretty scary, but as long as you remember not to bend over when you pick up the soap all is well at Camp Neo Con. If found guilty this practice may well serve Delay, Frist, Rove, and other Neo Cons in their next career, as potential inmates!

A Bumper Sticker I Would Like to See

George W. Bush, Living Proof that Barbara Bush Screwed Forrest Gump!.

9-11-05

Not a day goes by that we do not remember the attack, reflect on our national security, and pray for the families of the fallen; both at home and abroad.

America will never forget. ..

Americans Coming Together...

I received this post on my blog, and it truly reflects the greatness of the American citizens and businesses in a time of crisis.

Allen High School request for specific help. AISD has had about 100 students enrolled as a result of the Katrina hurricane. The College Center has put together backpacks for new students. A collection point is being established at the High School in the College Center for following new items: curling irons, blow dryers, make up, purses, billfolds, belts, combs, brushes, hair gel, etc. --- Also gift cards from: Target, Wal-mart, Kohl’s, JC Penney, Belk’s, Old Navy, Payless, Famous Footwear, any restaurants (McDonald’s, Chili’s, etc), grocery stores, etc. are needed.

The donations delivered to the High School will be distributed to the new students at the High School first, and excess items will be taken to ACO for distribution. Please forward this information to others that you have in your address book. Please check with schools in your area., they may also have new students in need of a little extra help. Thanks for your help on this effort, Donations for these students can be sent to: Allen High School 300 Rivercrest Blvd.Allen, Texas 75002

To learn more about these efforts, here is their contact information:

Allen High School
300 Rivercrest
Allen, Texas 75002
Steve Payne, Principal 972.727.0400

To visit their Web Site, Click Here.http://www.allenisd.org/

Whether you donate supplies to Allen High School, or another agency it is important that we all give what we can.

Unfortunately while crisis bring out the best in America it also brings out the worst. So please make sure that your donations especially cash donations are going to reputable organizations.

Your local Schools and Churches are always a safe bet. It also provides an excellent lesson for the children in compassion and citizenship.

Nothing But Love,

The Bird

Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water...

History 101

Once upon a time there was an evil Communist Empire known as the Soviet Union. The evil empire was a bitter enemy to our country the United States of America.

Both the United States and the USSR were nuclear super powers. Neither nation trusted each other so on July 21 1955, President Dwight D. Eisenhower proposed the "Open Skies" Treaty at a summit conference held in Geneva, Switzerland. Since the early 1950's the United States had tried to gain as much reconnaissance information as possible about the Soviet development of offensive weapons systems. Although most surveillance flights were carried out in international airspace off the coasts of Russia, a few flights were flown over Soviet territory in violation of international law.

Because the Soviet Union was a closed society, gathering reliable intelligence information was very difficult. President Eisenhower reasoned that getting permission to fly over Soviet military facilities while granting permission for the Soviets to fly over US military installations would greatly ease tensions between the two superpowers.

Unfortunately, the Soviets immediately rejected the "Open Skies" Treaty proposal fearing the US intended to trick the USSR into a disadvantageous position. As a result, the US was very apprehensive about Soviet development of long range bombers and more advanced nuclear weapons. The supposed "Bomber Gap" led President Eisenhower to authorize the continued reconnaissance flights (including the over flights) because the Soviet threat was judged to be more important than the international incident that would result if a US plane was shot down over Soviet territory.

On May 1st, 1960, the international incident the United States dreaded happened when a CIA U-2 piloted by Frances Gary Powers was shot down over Soviet Territory near Sverdlovsk.

Powers was held in prison for two years until 1962, when he was exchanged for Soviet Col. Rudolf Abel in the most dramatic East-West spy swap ever to occur in Cold War Berlin. Powers stepped on to the eastern end of the Berlin's Glienicke Bridge spanning the River Havel on February 10, 1962. At the other end of the bridge, stood Colonel Rudolf Abel, a heavily muffled Soviet master-spy, seized earlier by US security agents after setting up a red spy network in New York in the late 1950s.

At a precisely arranged signal, the two men strode on to the bridge, marching purposefully towards one another, Powers heading westward, Abel eastwards. In the middle of the bridge they passed each other silently, with barely a nod of their heads. That spy-swap operation was to be the forerunner of many such East-West prisoner exchanges to take place on the Glienicke Bridge over the next 27 years in Berlin.

We can learn a great deal from this chapter in American History.

Today the Soviet Union is no more. They have been replaced by a new enemy Terrorism. Wait that is wrong. They are still our enemy, just now Carl Rove wants us to refer to them as "Radical Extremists".

The leader of many of these Terrorists, I am sorry, "Radical Extremists" is a son of a bitch named Osama Bin Ladden.

I propose that we find a bridge between Afghanastan and Pakistan. We will give them our "radical extremist" George W. Bush, for their "radical extremist", and public enemy #1 Osama Bin Ladden.

And if they wish to agree to send the "radical extremist" Abu Musab al-Zarqawi (another evil SOB) across the bridge, we will agree to send them Carl "the Puppet Master" Rove.

By the way who do you think they will give us for Rumsfeld and Cheney?

Timeline of Katrina

The compassion of most Americans, and many from around the world toward the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast has been remarkable. Those effected by this storm will need our love and compassion for a long time to come.

Our Congress has come through with over 50 Billion Dollars to aid those effected by the worst Natural Disaster in American History.

The Administration says now is not the time for finger pointing. While behind the scenes our President, Secretary of Homeland Security Chertoff, and Director Brown of FEMA have "cowardly" pointed the finger at State and Local Officials. Sure, the State of Louisiana and Mississippi have a historical track record of corruption, rather than leadership. But the pass the buck positioning along with the lies and rhetoric coming from the President and his Administration are regurgitated 24 hours a day by their propaganda machines of talk radio.

This Administration lives in a world without mirrors. In a information age, their information always seems to be wrong. The administration has excellent spin machines, but zero leadership and balks at accountabilty.

It is impossible to know the truth about Iraq and what was discussed behind closed doors. But, the competency of our President, Secretary of Homeland Security, and Director of FEMA can be measured during Katrina, as there were no closed doors to hide behind. In fact the press was in the field days before the Federal assistance arrived.

This is an objective account on what will be the tragic history of how this President's administration failed the people in New Orleans:

Thursday, August 25, 2005:

5:00 PM: The National Hurricane Center makes its first official reference to "Hurricane Katrina," thus upgrading it from tropical storm status.

7:00 PM: Katrina makes landfall in Florida.

Friday, August 26, 2005:

11:30 AM: Katrina is upgraded to a Category 2 hurricane.

5:00 PM: The National Hurricane Center issues an advisory forecasting that Katrina would soon be a Category 3 hurricane.

Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco declares a state of emergency for Louisiana.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

The President's weekly radio address focuses on Gaza withdrawal and the Iraqi constitution. No mention of the Hurricane is made.

That day, President Bush officially declares that a "state of emergency" exists in Louisiana and ordered Federal aid to the affected areas to complement state and local relief efforts.

Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour declares a state of emergency for Mississippi. (see public document)

5:00 PM: Mayor Nagin declares a State of Emergency and issues a voluntary evacuation order, saying he is having his legal team determine if he can order a mandatory evacuation without exposing the city to legal liability for the closure of hotels and other businesses.

11:00 PM: The National Hurricane Center issues a warning suggesting that Katrina is moving in a western direction in an area that includes New Orleans.

Sunday, August 28, 2005:

2:00 AM: Katrina is declared a Category 4 storm.

8:00 AM: Katrina is declared a Category 5 storm, the highest possible rating.

10:00 AM: New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin orders mandatory evacuations of the city.

Louisiana Governor Blanco sends letter to President Bush requesting various federal aid.

Later that morning, President Bush declares a state of emergency for both Mississippi and Alabama, and declared Florida a federal disaster area in light of damage done by Hurricane Katrina.

Afternoon: Director of the National Weather Service (NWS) National Hurricane Center (NHC), Max Mayfield, personally briefs President Bush about Katrina by videoconference.

Monday, August 29, 2005:

6:10 AM: Katrina, a Category 4 hurricane with 145 mph winds, makes initial landfall near Buras, La.

8:14 AM (CDT): The National Weather Service New Orleans office issues a flash flood warning stating there had been a breach in the Industrial Canal levee with 3 to 8 feet of water expected in the 9th ward and Arubi.

8:25 AM Hurricane Katrina Makes Landfall on Louisiana Coast line.

Levees break mid-morning, but most the city remains unflooded. Bush makes emergency disaster declarations for Louisiana , Mississippi, and Alabama, freeing up federal funds. 1:25 PM FEMA director Michael Brown waits 5 hrs after Katrina has hit to ask his boss, Michael Chertoff, for 1000 Homeland Security employees to be sent to the region and gave them two days to arrive.

Katrina rips two holes in the Superdome's roof. Some 10,000 storm refugees are inside. At least eight Gulf Coast refineries shut down or reduce operations. FEMA Head Michael Brown urges emergency service personnel "not to respond to hurricane impact areas unless dispatched by state, local authorities."

The American Red Cross announces that it is "launching the largest mobilization of resources in its history" to assist Katrina victims. FEMA encourages the public to donate to this and other private organizations involved in relief work.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005:

9:04 AM (PDT): President Bush delivers a speech on the 60th anniversary of V-J Day in which he talks mainly of the need to "stay the course" in Iraq.

9:24 AM (PDT): The AP reports that President Bush will cut short his vacation to focus on the storm damage.

Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco says everyone still in New Orleans an estimated 50,000 to 100,000 people must be evacuated. Crowds swell at the Superdome and the New Orleans convention center.

10:00 PM CDT: New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin announces that the planned sandbagging of the 17th Street levee breach has failed.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005:

President Bush heads back to Washington from vacationing in Crawford, TX. Though he does not stop in Louisiana, Air Force One flies over the Gulf Coast so that he can view the devastation.

Federal officials declare the Gulf Coast a Public Health Emergency.

Shortly after 5 PM: President Bush holds a press conference in the Rose Garden of the White House during which he details his strategy for short-term recovery efforts.

Reported at 5:55 PM: DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff declares Katrina an 'Incident of National Significance', "triggering for the first time a coordinated federal response to states and localities overwhelmed by disaster." Declaration is first use of DHS National Response Plan.

Governor Kathleen Blanco of Louisiana orders that all of New Orleans, including the Superdome, be evacuated. An exodus from the Superdome begins, with the first buses leaving for Houston's Astrodome, 350 miles away.

New Orleans 's 1,500 member police force is ordered to abandon search and rescue missions and turn their attention toward controlling the widespread looting and a curfew is placed in effect. Mayor Ray Nagin calls for increased federal assistance.

11:09 PM: The Times-Picayune reports that 3,000 or more evacuees are stranded at the convention center.

Thursday, September 1, 2005:

2:00 AM: The first evacuees arrive at the Astrodome in Houston. The (suburban Chicago) Daily Herald reports that House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert says rebuilding New Orleans "doesn't make sense to me."

At 7:00 AM: President Bush appears on ABC News' Good Morning America. Diane Sawyer asks the President, " what's taking so long?" after telling Bush that "some of the things they have asked our correspondents to ask you is, they expected, they say to us, that the day after this hurricane that there would be a massive and visible armada of Federal support." Bush responds by noting that "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees. They did anticipate a serious storm."

At around the same time, evacuees from the New Orleans area and the Louisiana Superdome begin arriving at the Astrodome in Houston, Texas.

FEMA announces guidelines to contractors interested in "doing business with FEMA during the Hurricane Katrina recovery."

Looting, carjacking and other violence spreads, and the military decides to increase National Guard deployment to 30,000.

Nagin, the New Orleans mayor, calls the situation critical and issues ``a desperate SOS'' for more buses to evacuate those stranded at the Superdome.

Bush asks his father and former President Clinton to lead a fund-raising campaign for hurricane victims.

On NPR’s All Things Considered, Chertoff claims, "I have not heard a report of thousands of people in the convention center who don't have food and water."

On Nightline, Michael Brown tells Ted Koppel “We just learned of the convention center -- we being the federal government -- today.”

Friday, September 2, 2005:

The Reliant Center in Houston is opened to evacuees when the Fire Marshal declares the Astrodome to be at capacity. A chemical plant explosion rocks New Orleans in the early hours of the morning. Rumors that the chemical cloud produced by the explosion was toxic were later determined not to be credible.

President Bush tours Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana to survey Katrina's damage. He describes the result of relief efforts up to that point as "not acceptable."

National Guard arrives in New Orleans.

FEMA releases a statement: "patience in the wake of Hurricane Katrina."

Congress approves and President Bush signs an initial $10.5 billion aid package for immediate rescue and relief efforts.

The Congressional Black Caucus, along with the NAACP, Black Leadership Forum, and the National Urban League express dismay over the sluggish relief efforts in New Orleans, citing the poverty of the victims as a primary reason for the delay.

The Bush administration asks Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco (D) to request a federal takeover of relief efforts. The move would have given the federal government control over Louisiana's National Guard and local police. The state eventually rejected the proposal.

Saturday, September 3, 2005:

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff declares that Katrina constituted "a combination of catastrophes exceeded the foresight of the planners, and maybe anybody's foresight." CNN reports that "government officials, scientists and journalists have warned of such a scenario for years."

Chertoff also asserts that "our constitutional system really places the primary authority in each state with the governor," in response to a question about the federal government's response to the catastrophe.

Governor Kathleen Blanco (D-La) hires James Lee Witt, FEMA director under President Clinton, to advise her during the relief effort.

4:00 PM: the Department of Homeland Security releases a document of "Highlights of the United States Government Response to the Aftermath of Hurricane Katrina."

Sunday, September 4, 2005:

FEMA establishes a hotline to collect donations for assisting victims.

Jefferson Parrish president Aaron Broussard claims on Meet the Press that aid to his parrish was blocked by FEMA.

The Washington Post prints an article announcing that Louisiana Governor Blanco had not declared a state of emergency (later, it printed a correction, noting that she had, in fact, made the declaration on August 26, 2005)

Monday, September 5, 2005:

President Bush returns for second visit to the Gulf Coast region.

The AP reports that Kellogg Brown & Root, the subsidiary of Halliburton Co that has been criticized for its reconstruction work in Iraq, has begun work on a $500 million U.S. Navy contract for emergency repairs at Gulf Coast naval and marine facilities that were damaged by Hurricane Katrina.

While touring the Astrodome, Former First Lady Barbara Bush, tells American Public Media's "Marketplace" program:"Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them.”

Tuesday, September 6, 2005:

Bush announces an investigation into what went wrong in hurricane relief efforts.

For additional updates and info go to talkingpoints

Perhaps Like the Federal AID the Accountability Has FINALLY Started to Arrive

Here is the latest from the NBC News and News Service

NBC News and news services
Updated: 4:49 p.m. ET Sept. 9, 2005

GOP senator among critics Republican Sen. Trent Lott, whose Pascagoula, Miss., home was destroyed in the storm, said after the announcement that he had concluded that FEMA “was overwhelmed, undermanned and not capable of doing its job” under Brown’s leadership.

“Michael Brown has been acting like a private, instead of a general,” Lott said.

Democratic lawmakers weren’t satisfied with the move, and demanded Brown’s ouster from FEMA.

“The events of the last ten days have shown that Mr. Brown has repeatedly exercised poor judgment and has failed in his basic responsibilities,” said a letter to Bush from Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid and Sens. Dick Durbin, Debbie Stabenow and Charles Schumer. “His continued presence in this critical position endangers the success of the ongoing recovery efforts. ... It is not enough to remove Mr. Brown from the disaster scene.”

For the ful story click HERE.

Some Things Will Not Go Away...

A Great Cartoon from SmirkingChimp.com.

Bin Laden intent on attacking American.
The President and his administration delay.

Hurricane Katrina Hits New Orleans.
The President and his administration delay.

And then we have Tom?
Demand an Independent Investigation, NO DELAY!

Where There is Smoke, There Is Usually Fire

Texas grand jury indicts PAC connected to DeLay

AUSTIN (AP) — A grand jury has indicted a political action committee formed by U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay and a Texas business group in connection with 2002 legislative campaign contributions.

The five felony indictments against the two groups were made public Thursday. Neither DeLay nor any individuals with the business group has been charged with any wrongdoing.

The charge against Texans for a Republican Majority alleged the committee illegally accepted a political contribution of $100,000 from the Alliance for Quality Nursing Home Care.

Four indictments against the Texas Association of Business include charges of unlawful political advertising, unlawful contributions to a political committee and unlawful expenditures such as those to a graphics company and political candidates.

Attorney Roy Minton, who represents the Texas Association of Business, said Thursday its president has met with prosecutors, explaining how the group spent about $1.7 million in corporate money for mailings to educate voters on issues. The group has said its mailers did not advocate the election or defeat of any candidates, but were permissible issue ads.

Travis County District Attorney Ronnie Earle is investigating whether the contributions violate state bans against corporate money being spent directly on campaign activities.

The contributions to the 21 Texas House candidates helped Republicans gain a majority in the chamber in the 2002 election.

New Orleans French Quarter

New Orleans French Quarter during better days.

My thoughts and prayers are with the citizens of New Orleans, the Gulf Coast communities, the brave people in uniform, relief organizations and volunteers who are doing all they can to assist our fellow Americans!

Disaster Hits the Big Easy

The only thing greater than the City of New Orleans is its’ people.

While cities like New York are melting pots of diversity, in New Orleans it is truly a gumbo of cultures.

The wonderful laissez-faire “live for the day” attitude has been a way of life from the richest to the poorest in the culture of New Orleans. Laws have always been more of guidelines in New Orleans rather than cast in stone. So historically corruption has been a cornerstone in government for Louisiana, its Parishes, Baton Rouge (French for Red Stick) and New Orleans. Pick pocketing tourists is an applied art, and sexually transmitted diseases were the number one casualty of Yankee occupiers during the War of Northern Aggression.

It is a city in 1814, under the leadership of Andrew Jackson, that formed an army of professional soldiers, militias, pirates, Indians, and slaves to save the city from the British.

It is a city that gave America and the world Jazz.

It is a city that offers some of the world’s best street performers. Heck, I once saw a man in Jackson Square climb on top of extension ladder, straddle the top of it, and walk it down the street while he juggled fire.

I have seen 5-year-old tap dancers using their talents to hustle money from the tourists; I know I paid them some of mine.

And of course there are the musicians. It is hard to go anywhere in the French Quarter or the Garden District and fall out of earshot of music.

In route to the casino one afternoon with my dad (one of the best trips I ever went on), I had a New Orleans’ cab driver give me advice you would probably only hear in New Orleans. “Don’t play with scared money at the casinos," she said.

It is a city that merged Voodoo and Christianity.

It is a city that has given us culinary wonders, as the late Cajun cook Justin Wilson use to say, “A little wine in the pan, a little wine in the man.”

It is a city that is one of our nation’s best and it will rise again!

Tomorrow will be 1 week since the Category 4 Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans and the Gulf Coast region. Levees in New Orleans that were engineered to withstand Category 3 Hurricanes obviously failed under the wake of this storm, flooding 80% of this great city.

For a couple of decades, leaders from New Orleans have been trying to get funding to improve the levee infrastructure. The project has a rather large price tag, approximately 14 billion dollars. However, it is a drop in the bucket compared to what we the American taxpayers spend every few days to support the President’s unprovoked invasion of Iraq.

When one of our nation’s greatest cities is in need of true homeland security, our President was calling short his vacation, and making speeches on how “looting will not be tolerated”.

No Mr. President, it is your stupidity that should no longer be tolerated.

If a citizen of the U.S. commits a stupid act that results in the death of someone we might be charged with involuntary manslaughter. Why not our president?

Once again our president’s lack of leadership has resulted in tragedy.

Over the past several years we have heard nonsense from this administration such as we never imagined planes could be used as missiles, that Iraq was a threat to our national security, and now we hear that we did not think the levees would break.
Approximately 3,000 people died on 9/11, almost two thousand brave men and women in uniform have died fighting a war the president started, and perhaps more Iraqi’s have died under U.S. occupation than under Saddam.

Now the President’s lack of leadership has made a horrible situation worst in New Orleans. Indeed, his stupidity and delayed efforts have led to the additional deaths of hundreds, if not thousands of Americans.

Gaza Strip Under New Management?

The Gaza Strip Under New Management?

It is a part of the world dotted with land grants. Land grants awarded to God's chosen people by none other than God himself. The problem is Muslims, Jews, and Christians all consider themselves God's chosen people, which for thousands of years has led to bloodshed in the holy lands, and made the mapmakers very prosperous.

This week we witnessed the emotional evacuation of Israeli settlers from Gaza. The Palestinians claim Gaza as part of their Holy Land.The Jews see it as their Holy Land, and they both hate each other. It really is a larger scale version of Krammer vs. Krammer with Gaza playing the part of the child.

This is a good thing, right?

True Israel is a strategic ally to America's security interest in the Middleeast. In fact Isreal is the best friend money can buy. On average Isreal imports more U.S. taxpayer dollars annually than any other country. And last week the U.S. taxpayer exported over 2 billion dollars into the evacuation of the Israeli settlers. This was a settlement our foreign policy (both democratic and republican) condemned from the start. Unfortunately their faith trumped our policy/money, and still we get stuck with part of the tab.

Perhaps this week we have witnessed the problem of any Religous State whether it is Christian, Islamic, or Jewish? Perhaps this week we have all been delivered the 11th Commandment. Common sense can not hold a candle to God.

I remember as a child in Sunday school being taught that "God is love", yet we live in a world of "My God can beat up your God"?

Up to this point Margaritaville had a better chance of Statehood, than Palestine. And yes this is a first step, but I would hold on to my salt rimmer if I were you.

What a Long Strange Trip It's Been...

Back in late May I went to the doctor complaining of a sharp pain that ran from the lower left side of the back of my head all the way to my lower left side of my rib cage.

This was my third visit. I had had a precautionary MRI, anti-inflammatory medication, muscle relaxers, and painkillers. It was believed on each visit that I had severely pulled a muscle.

I have always had a very high tolerance toward pain, but this hurt. I called my wife after my second visit and updated her, and she convinced me into meeting her at the emergency room.

After many tests and a few hours the ER Doctor informed me I had cancer. Leukemia. A normal person’s white cell count is from 5,000 to 10,000. Mine was over 690,000.

I am 40 years old in good shape, a proud father of two, with the oldest being 5 and the youngest turning 1 in September.

I could not believe this was happening to me. Probably the first sentiment any young person has that is faced with the possibility of an early mortality due to a disease or injury.

This “why me” notion had no sooner entered my head, than I realized how selfish this thought was. There are many lotteries in life some baring great gifts and wonderful news others are bad even tragic.

So, “why not me”? My children would not be the first to lose a father early in their lives, nor my wife a husband, or my parents a son. In fact they are blessed with the love and support of family and friends few people could claim.

I even found dark comfort in how I might chose to take what I deem as some of societies evils out with me, before my time expired.

In my mind I decided my funeral would be a kegger, as I tried to decide what favorite songs would be played. I even decided I wished to be cremated.

It is amazing the thoughts that are produced when one has a mixture of bad news and morphine, yet I remember those hours like they were yesterday. I never shed a tear and had only that brief moment of feeling sorry for myself, for that I am proud.

I spent the next several days in the hospital while the doctors pumped me with medication to lower my white count and Morphine.

By the way Morphine is a wonderful thing, and best of all in the hospital there is no “last call”.

Because Leukemia cells are produced within the bones they took a bone sample out of my butt to send for the biopsy.
The results of the biopsy would determine the type of Leukemia I had, what phase it was in, how it would be treated, and how it would impact my life.

Let me take you back to the bone sample for a second. Anytime a doctor says you may feel a little pressure from a procedure, know that pressure and pain are interchangeable in Doctor speak.

I was released the day after this procedure from the hospital, although I was required to visit my doctor at the Cancer Center a couple times a week.

The first impression I had of the Cancer Center was that it was one of the most depressing places I had ever been. Its dull tan color walls in a medical complex from the 1960’s gave it a well-worn look. When you finally are called back to the examination room you walk past a room where patients sit in a circle while receiving their chemotherapy. While they set in an environment so they might socialize, seldom did I hear any conversations in passing. Most of the time these people sit quietly to themselves as poison was slowly sent through their veins in hope to kill off cancers within each of them. Others would receive radiation treatments.

These treatments will alter their appearances, make them constantly nauseous, weaken their bodies, and in the case of younger patients on radiation it ends the hope of having children if they do recover as they are often sterilized by the radiation. Lance Armstrong 7 time Tour De France winner and cancer survivor uses the phrase in his cancer foundation “Live Strong”. Perhaps 2 words have never better described cancer, not only what I have seen in the eyes of the patients at the Cancer Center, but in the hearts of their families and friends.

This disease has allowed me to witness first hand an element of human nature that I greatly admire, and for this I am thankful.

I have seen very sick people that still believe in hope.

I have seen a gentleman well into his 80s bringing his fragile wife in for treatments.

I have seen a boy barely old enough to drive bringing in his balding mother for chemo.

Each one of them demonstrating courage, hope, and had their own story. I wondered if each of them thought as I did when first diagnosed “why me”?, or if this was only a momentary lapse of weakness within my character.

My cancer doctor has been awesome. Must be one of the most difficult jobs one can have.

Meanwhile I waited for my biopsy. I promised myself that as soon as I had regained my energy I wanted to take my son out and spend a day doing the things we liked to do.

We went to breakfast and to the Museum of Natural Science. We went to the park where we rode the kiddie train, the carousel, and the paddleboats. We went to our favorite Italian restaurant for lunch, followed by Putt-Putt and Go Cart Racing.

It was a full and wonderful day. Some say that heaven is angels and harps, Hollywood once even claimed it was a baseball field in an Iowa cornfield, but for me it was clearly this day with my son.

After 5 weeks of waiting for the results of my biopsy I was finally diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML).

While it is not good, ten years ago this would have been a death sentence.

Thanks to Dr. Druker many others and me have a great deal of hope. Dr. Druker was the founder of Gleevec, a drug that is now being used to treat CML and a few other forms of cancers. Doctors refer to it as a miracle drug.

If all goes well I will simply need to take this pill everyday for the rest of my life, similar to a diabetic using insulin.

There is always the possibility Gleevec will stop working, in which case I still have other traditional options for treating my Leukemia as well as other drugs that are now in clinical drug trials.

Within the next two weeks my cancer will be declared in remission.

I am lucky. Not only for getting better, but also for all the observations I have witnessed and shared in this article.

I am lucky because of the random acts of kindness from family, friends, and co-workers, which have at times left me on the verge of tears. They will never know how much these acts have been appreciated by my wife and I.

I would like to leave you with this thought.

Rich or Poor, Black or White, Christian or Jew cancer has no prejudices. It is an equal opportunity disease. It will claim the lives of over 500,000 people in the United States this year.

The hopes of Stem Cell research may eventually eliminate many of these cancers along with other diseases. So vote accordingly, your family members lives are in far greater danger of cancer than terrorists.

Finally my general practitioner that I have gone to for over 20 years is an excellent doctor. He missed this diagnosis, no big deal, but you know your body better than anyone. Push the envelope and if necessary seek a second opinion.

Nothing But Love…

The Bird

A Glance Into the Future

No Filibuster?

Once the filibuster is eliminated there is a strong Neo Conservative push to replace The National Anthem with “Shall We Gather By the River.”

I'm Just a Bill, Yes I'm Only a Bill...

Hilliary Clinton says she will not run for President upon hearing that her husband, former President Bill Clinton signs on for Dutch Masters Cigars ad campaign. The first commercial he and Monica puff on a Dutch Masters Cigars while singing Peaches and Herbs “Reunited”.

“Laying of the Hands” Medical Clinic

After delivering his resignation Majority Leader Dr. Bill Frist will open a virtual “laying of the hands” medical clinic. Here’s how it works. If you have a medical condition from as simple as athletes foot to as complex as existing in a vegetative state, there is hope.

You may mail a home VHS videotape of you and your ailment to Bill Frist. And for a check or money order of $200 + $100 for shipping and handling Bill Frist will analyze your condition. By carefully reviewing your quality home video tape, he will prepare a personal diagnosis just for you.

Not only will you receive consultation from Dr. Bill Frist a Medical professional you will receive a beautiful 8” x 10” color photograph of Bill Frist’s hands. Based upon the location of your ailment, you simply place the photo of Bill Frist hands on the affective area(s).

Within two weeks if Bill Frists virtual “laying of the hands” procedure has not completely healed you simply return your picture and personal diagnosis within 30 days of purchase and they will refund your money. Sorry shipping charges cannot be returned.

And there’s more.

As if that were not enough each photo of Republican Senator Dr. Bill Frist hands will be blessed by former Republican Presidential Candidate Pat Robinson.

Anointments in Oil for the Common Man

Have you recently got a promotion? Maybe you kicked a man’s ass in a bar fight last night? Did you just find out that you were going to be made Deacon at “Pass Me a Snake in the Name of Jesus Holiness Church”? Or possibly you just killed a 14-point buck over the weekend? Or maybe you just got the news that your cousin got her period. Saving you the additional child support wage garnishments and embarrassing visits to the Springer show?

Whatever the reason you’re walking around with your chest poked out and feeling good.

But you are you having a tough time figuring out how you are going to mark this life milestone?

Have you ever considered anointing yourself in oil?

For the price you would pay to get that deer head mounted you could participate in a life-changing event this weekend and this weekend only. Not only will you be told how to mark your milestone, but how you might meet your financial dreams.

On Saturday June 8th in the Hampton Inn’s main conference room off Exit 666 Former Attorney General John Ashcroft will be hosting a powerful seminar “Anointment it Worked for Me, and It Can Work for You.” Each participant will receive 10 Gallons of Spearmint scent anointing oil, and realize the importance of anointment in marking not only milestones, but also the challenges we all face from time to time.

"Whether it is losing and election to a deadman, or being appointed Attorney General of the United States, anointing myself in oil has helped me through the crucifications and ressurections of life"- John Ashcroft

The practice of anointing oneself in oil has always been a significant part of former Attorney General John Ashcroft’s quests in life. During this event John Ashcroft will share with you how to speak in tongues, and the spiritual virtue of anointing yourself in oil.

The seminar will provide you with enough spearmint scent anointing oil to fulfill your next 10 oil anointments. Additional anointing oil (in bubble gum, cherry, and new car scent) may be purchased at John Ashcroft’s web site www.slipperyguy.com.

Than on Sunday June 9th Former Representative Tom Delay will share with you how you can participate in the growing industry of Indian casinos. You will learn how you might make big money with no money down in lobbying corrupt Senators and Congressman on behalf of Native American Casino lobbyists.

Call now! No Delay!! Space is Limited!!! 1-888-NO-PRIDE.

It is official Dr. Phil has been tapped as the 2008 GOP Presidential candidate!

Barbara Bush seeks retroactive abortions. Jeb and George once again turns to the Supreme Court.

10 Issues My Dog Has With Me

1) Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!

2) Yelling at me for barking .. I'M A DOG!

3) Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4) Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose ... stop it!

5) Any haircut that involves bows, ribbons, or bandanas. Now you know why I chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6) The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo -- what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7) Taking me to the vet for the "big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8) Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9) Dog sweaters. Hello? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10) How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

May 19th On the Fly...

Culture of Lies

The only true culture of life within this administration is the culture that grows between their toes. Perhaps they should turn more to the Foot Washing Baptist, rather than the snake handlers for their religious ideologies.

One of the many arguments against school prayer has always been whose going to write the prayer?

If you were to say allow the Vatican to establish their religious perspective regarding the Bush/Rove culture of life as far as a grading scale:

Pro-Life

They would receive an A+ in their continuing efforts to overturn Roe vs. Wade.

Death Penalty

They would receive an F. 8 or 80, blind, retarded, or crazy if they can’t walk drag them to the death chamber.

Invasion of Iraq

Looks like another F for the administration. The late Pope John Paul II called the war on Iraq as Immoral, Illegal, and unjust.

Gun Control

We have the highest crime rate in the civilized world. The NRA will argue that current laws on the books are not enforced as it relates to those that use guns in crimes. That is true. I support the right to bare arms, I do call in to question the way firearms are sold, and the types of some firearms available. Certainly the Church of Rome would give them yet another F.

Human Rights

Screw genocide in Africa, we need to save those poor Iraqis. Do you think oil might be the cause? How about our practices of torture, or at least turning the other cheek when it comes to torture? How about the fact that the U.S. the richest nation in the world ranks 11th in policies impacting quality of life for women and children? Chalk up another F for this administration regarding their culture of life.

Why I may not agree with many of the views of the Catholic Church, it does show another way to measure the failure of the Administration.

I could care less what one’s spiritual conclusions are, reach them yourself. But for this administration to invoke terms like “Culture of Life” in their political marketing campaigns is not only wrong, but by most religions sacrilegious. The same could be said for mixing government and religion.

National Public Radio (NPR) Brings Back “I Believe…”

In the early 1950’s Edward R. Murrow hosted a radio show entitled “I Believe…”.

The show highlighted essays of teachers, politicians, taxi drivers, and Americans in general. It offered average Americans and influential Americans to share their beliefs with regards to religion, family, freedom, and America.

The intent of the show was to counter the dangerous political climate of the time regarding patriotism, religion, and communism. Remember the Joseph McCarthy Hearings?

The show has been reintroduced on NPR as a counter balance to today’s attacks on beliefs, patriotism, and civil liberties.

Check your local listing for broadcast information. Interesting enough one of the first essayists was former Secretary of State Colin Powell.

Same Jokes, New Target

Jeff Foxworthy will from now on use “You may be a Red State if:” in his stand up routines.

Georgia on My Mind

Last week when President Bush was delivering a speech in the former Soviet State of Georgia an individual lobbed a hand grenade just 100’ away from the President’s platform. Fortunately for the President and onlookers the grenade did not explode

Once again reminding us of the importance of buying American for consumer goods and weapons of destruction.

Perhaps President Clinton ruined the cliché “close, but no cigar”, but now President Bush has forever tainted the cliché that “close only counts in hand grenades and horseshoes”.

Next time you may wish to work on your aim and throw a horseshoe.

Welcome NEO CONs to The Poop

From time to time I receive posts from Neo Cons at The Poop.

Regardless of their babble, I have yet to delete a post. First I enjoy the banter. Second I believe it may prove to Kansas that evolution is real. Third I believe the “you are either for us, or against us” rhetoric is really common, and that on my blog any American is entitled to their opinion.

Speaking of the classic quote by our President “you are either for us, or against us”. I would like to remind the rest of the world that “us” was lower case and simply represented the ideologies of Bush, Frist, Delay, and other Neo Cons.

At no time was it said, “You are either for the U.S. or against the U.S.” In fact current polls show most of “us” in the “U.S.” are against “them” in the administration.

So welcome all Neo Cons, religious zealots and all others that support Bushy’s evil empire. Stupid is as stupid does.

On The Fly ....

May 5, 2005
Happy Cinqo De Mayo!

You Go Girl!

First Lady Laura Bush last weekend delivered hilarious zingers at the White House’s annual press corps dinner.

Last year the President used the same forum to joke about WMDs or the lack thereof while brave young men and women in uniform are dieing in Iraq in the shadows of bad punch lines.
This year the First Lady’s material covered from the President’s attempt to jack off a horse to her own sexual frustration with Mr. Excitement as a self-proclaimed desperate housewife.

Her lines included stories about how she, Lynne Cheney, and Condoleezza Rice would sneak out to local Chippendale’s strip clubs and that Lynne Cheney’s new Secret Service code name was “Dollar Bill”.

Really funny stuff!

Hmmm, I have always suspected that Condi Rices Secret Service code name might be “tea-bagged”. “Can you say yes Mr. President?”

I know this whole stunt was a Carl Rove ploy to attempt to save items on the President's second term agenda by putting a temporary buffer between the GOP and their base the radical religious right. Still, I must give the First Lady two thumbs up on both material and delivery.

Texas Seeks to Band Sexy Cheerleading Routines

The State of Texas whose education system is one of the worst in the U.S. One of the worst systems in a nation whose public education lags behind the majority of developed nations has decided that they must past legislation to remove sexy dance moves from High School cheerleading routines.

They have a decision to invest time and therefore taxpayer money in education reform, child healthcare, or clean up cheerleading dance routines and what do they choose?

What would Sam Houston or Davy Crockett say?

What does Coach Tom Laundry say?

I know what The Bird says:

Motor Boat, Motor Boat,
Putt, Putt, Putt
Those guys in Texas
Are freaking nuts!

Speaking of Texas

Here are some ideas for bumper stickers with Texas roots:

• Impeach Tom! No Delay!!!
• God Hates Tom
• Crawford's Village Idiot, America's President

And you may want to place this sticker on those people whose cars are plastered in Bush/Cheney and W bumper stickers:

I Break For Lame Ducks

And If I Am a Vegetable Before I Wake...

Last night I dreamed that “The Bird” was in a similar state of that of the late Terri Schiavo.

I believe my parents and my wife to clearly understand my wishes, but in my nightmare they were fighting it out in the Courts just like the Schiavo case.

I have lived an animated life and do not believe that the wishes of my wife, children, friends or parents would differ if I were to find myself in a similar situation as Mrs. Schiavo. They would all rather remember be as a animated rather than unanimated individual.

I have elected to turn to each of you to be my witnesses of my wishes, and have decided to briefly turn this dream from rhetoric to song for a moment. I have simply changed the lyrics of The Who’s Momma’s Got a Squeeze Box to my nightmare:

The Bird had a feeding tube he wore under his chest
When the Doctors took it out his parents got no rest.

And now they are praying all night.
With Christian Right.

The Bird lost his feeding tube
His family won’t give up this fight.

Please don’t feed me,
Please don’t feed me,
If you love me like you do
Remember I was so in love with you.

Please take out the feeding tube
I really enjoyed my life!

Don’t let the government take it
In and out
And in and out…

O.K enough already, back to the composition.

Sure as long as there is breath there is hope, but when the hope goes let me go.

As an organ donor I also would like to make the following request regarding my organs:

Give my eyes to a child so that I may contiue to always see hope.

My hearts is large and strong make sure; if you can that it goes to a worthy recipient. Jerry Falwell and George W would not make my cut.

My liver, well it is has high mileage, give it to the Smithsonian Institute and let them display it as a moon rock.

My kidneys have flushed all form of personal toxins and probably would be best suited for use by a small town’s public waste water filtration system.

As for my taliwhacker (penis) donate it to a porn star who has been involved in a industrial accident below the waste. I always wanted to be the hardest workingman in show business. Lights, camera, action...

My balls give them to a neo-conservative. Perhaps a no-nut goober like Bush, Frist, or Delay could finally find some form of manhood in this charity.

In honor of my southern ancestors detach my ass and plant it above ground in Gettysburg. It would also make a good place for tourists to park their bicycles.

Donate my arms to a veteran who has lost theirs so that they may embrace their loved ones as I do everyday.

The rest of my organs can be used as my family and the medical community see fit.

The remainders of my carcass please cremate and have them mixed with my dog Catfish’s when he passes and spread them along the beach in Fernandina, Florida.

These are my wishes and you are my witnesses.

In the case of an unplanned demise please see that these things happen on my behalf.

Nothing but love here!

The Bird

When All Else Fails Play the Morality Card

As I have shared in many articles I personally believe that both the Democratic and Republican Parties leadership has failed America at local, state, and federal political levels.

Individual innovation continues to be diluted by partisan interests from both parties. Perhaps if we had term limits we would see greater individual courage and representation of the people’s interest return to our political culture.

While I can debate many of the ideologies of former Speaker Newt Gingrich, I share with him his passion for history and the belief that history always repeats itself.

In the book “Letters of a Nation” Abraham Lincoln made the following comments in a letter dated August 22, 1862 to Horace Greeley (Editor and Publisher of the New York Tribune) who had publicly criticized Lincoln for not doing more to end slavery.

“I would save the Union. I would save the Union in the shortest way under the Constitution. The sooner the authority can be restored; the nearer the Union will be the Union as it was. If there be those who would not save the Union, unless they could at the same time save slavery, I do not agree with them. If there be those who would not save the Union unless they could at the same time destroy slavery, I do not agree with them. My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slaves I would do it, if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would do that. What I do about slavery, and the colored race, I do because I believe it will save the Union; and what I forbear, I forbear because I believe it would not help save the Union.”

The following while just an excerpt of the letter; it is not taken out of context, and accurately reflects the writer’s (President Lincoln) written objective.

It demonstrates how morality is no more than the parsley on the dinner plate. While Lincoln was a great man unification and the economy were his primary objective not slavery.

Today the liberation of the Iraqi people and democracy are the parsley on the dinner plate. Weapons of mass destruction and the war on terrorism were the spin to sell this plan to the masses. The primary objective was to make sure the oil flowed for the economy. And many believe that there was a secondary objective that of “settling an old score between the Bushes and Saddam”.

Whether it is slavery, Terri Schiavo, or Saddam Hussein morality is never the cause that drives politicians.

The difference is Abraham Lincoln was a man of courage and put his thoughts in writing. Courage is not a word I would personally choose to describe our current President.

Faith Should Not Be Blind

I was listening to NPR on my way to a business appointment, when the subject of Evolution vs. Creationism was introduced over the radio.

Religion can be a good thing, but regardless of your Religious affiliation, faith should not be blind. In my humble opinion faith should be a never-ending life affirmation within each individual regardless of the flavor of your religion.

My personal faith leads me to believe that there is a God. The miracles of life, the universe as we know it make it difficult for me to personally believe that there was not some form of divine hands in on these creations.

I believe in a creator as the Master Chef of our Universe. I am just skeptical of the Holy cookbooks, whether it is the Bible, Koran, or others that were written by man.

During the local NPR segment it involved 3 professors of science, one happened to be a devout disbeliever in evolution and instead supported creationism. He believed the World was created in 7 days. He believed that our World was only 6,000 years old. He believed that there were dinosaurs on Noah’s ark. And he believed we are all descendants from Adam and Eve.

Wow!!!

When it comes to Religion believe what you want. But when you are a scientist and your life is dedicated to hypotheses, theories, data, and truth I have some concerns regarding the credibility of a professor of science at a State funded University when he spouts his personal faith as facts. True the professor is entitled to his faith, his opinions, and his job just as that idiot Ward Churchill in Colorado.

But let’s look at the facts and the faith:

Carbon dating proves the Earth is a great deal older than 6,000 years, yet this professor lies to his students about the earth’s age like a middle age woman at a Frat Party.

And what about dinosaurs on Noah’s Ark? The whole Ark concept is a reach to start with, but now this professor wants the listener to believe that every species of animal since the dawn of time (well over a billion of years to you and I) was on the Ark? I suppose upon completing the Ark Noah shouted out in excitement Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

The Bible says that the Lord created Eve from Adam’s rib. This stunt would even put MacGyver to shame. Once Adam had Eve the first hot babe of Eden, what did she do? She had a conversation with a snake (a Freudian phallic symbol in it’s own right) that convinced her to eat the forbidden fruit. So is this the Holy Book or the Jungle Book? Perhaps the professor would be better off focusing on “the bear necessities”, you know Mother Nature’s recipe…

The best scientific argument for the professor’s version of creationism is that inbreeding and incest leads to a high probability of mental retardation among children. From a Bird’s eye view it seems this handicap is running rampant among God’s children.

Late that afternoon as I was heading home on a backcountry road returning phone calls, and reflecting on the day I noticed my gas gage was buried below the “E”. I was at least 15 miles from the nearest gas station so I drafted an eighteen wheeler in front of me and began saying “Dear Lord please don’t let me run out of gas”, and I made it! A combination of science and prayer. So maybe you can have both.

Keep the Faith,
The Bird

Want to know why Roe vs. Wade will not be overturned? Simply look here at the Poster Children for Planned Parenthood.

We The People...Need to Impeach this Clown!

Terri Schiavo Nears Death

Out of respect for the soon to be deceased Terri Schiavo, I will not make any commentary on her specific situation, or take any cheap shots.

As a nation I believe we all are a little bit in debt to Mrs Schiavo for a number of reasons as this well over publicized situation has caused many of us to think about:

1) Our own personal living wills.

2) The fact that somewhere over 70% of Americans seem to believe that Congress had no right to meddle in this case.

3) That some of our citizens are simply fricking nuts. Take for instance the family from Kannapolis, NC who took their 10 year old son down to Florida so that he might be arrested for taking Terri a glass of water. This sounds like a great case for social services and child welfare. Or the idiot who tried to contract a hit on Mr. Schiavo and the Florida Judge. May he never see his freedom again.

4) Many so called Christians, merely use religion to attempt to justify their own perversions. First based upon our laws a feeding tube is life support. Second even Jesus could not heal stupidity.

5) That if the Bush brothers were not born with silver spoons in their mouths, they would probably be selling lawn jockeys in Texas.

6) Right or Wrong how the love of a parent can make all other things irrelevant, including their child's wishes, the constitution, and the law. While I do not agree with the Schindler's actions, I do sympathize with their cause.

For simply causing so many of us to reflect on life in general regarding your situation, thank you Terri Schiavo.

God's Speed and Rest In Peace.

Go to Hell Carolina!!!

U.N. Ambassador John Bolton

Would you trust your children with this man?

Welcome Aboard John Bolton?

So would you trust your child alone with this man?

How about your country's diplomatic affairs with the rest of the world?

Well our President might not let the twins hang out with John Bolton, but he recently tapped him as the U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations.

First of all it is my opinion that the United Nations needs to seriously evolve, or it may find itself obsolete. You the reader may or may not agree with this statement. But then the liklihood of either of us representing the U.S. as the Ambassador to the U.N. is highly unlikely.

So how does John "Got Milk" Bolton feel about the United Nations?

"There is no such thing as the United Nations."- John Bolton

"If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldn't make a bit of difference."- John Bolton

For the record we have had a District Attorney who anoints himself in oil.

We have a Secretary of Defense who under one administration dined with Saddam his ally, and under another declared war on him.

Now we have a Ambassador to the U.N. who believes he is the Ambassador to a organization that does not exist.

I guess we are all starting to believe in faith base initiatives. We must. Because it takes a great deal of faith to place the diplomacy of your country in the hands of a man who can not die his white mustache to match his cheap toupee. And even greater faith to expect good things for our country, with such a clown in the Oval Office.

IT IS OFFICIALLY THE SECOND DAY OF SPRING AND LOVE IS IN THE AIR!!!

Welcome Spring!

Well it is now officially the second day of Spring and Love is in the Air!

Soon in my Southland the magnolias, azaleas, tulips, and dogwoods will be blooming into a beautiful tapestry of colors.

Spring is the time when new life grows and the bitter grey cold of winter leaves us.

It is a time when clothes start coming off and love starts coming out. And it has inspired the poet within the Bird.

You know love is a beautiful thing, and those of us that truly appreciate love and lust may have at one time found ourselves in the middle of a love triangle. If you are in the center of a love triangle you can have your cake and eat it too, at least for a little while. But for the other parties at some point a love triangle can be a heartbreaking experience. Just watch a Jerry Springer episode if you don't believe the Bird.

So as we enter Spring I offer you a little Springer. A poem about love and a fantasy love triangle for your imaginations.

Iraq is a Mess.
The Economy is Pushed.
Release John Hinckley.
And Tell Him Jodi's Dating Bush.

On The Fly...

On the Fly…

A recent post encouraged me to focus more on the punchlines and less on the commentary. This week’s “On The Fly” will do exactly that.

Neo-Conservatives Strike Again

In the span of one week George W. Bush and his Neo-Conservatives proved once again how idiotic this administration is focusing on Steroid Abuse and the Terri Schiavo case in Florida.

I attempted to hit the ball out of the park last week regarding the steroid hearings, so let’s turn to the Schiavo case.

The whole situation is tragic for Terri, her family, and husband. But Terri Schiavo is America’s real “Million Dollar Baby”. The cost of this case in Florida, Medicare/Medicaid expenses, and now the cost to the taxpayer so that the Neo-Conservatives could use her in their political agenda are ridiculous.

Bush had no problem with executing mentally retarded criminals, but clearly this "red meat" guy now actually likes vegetables.

So it is full steam ahead and damn the Constitution.

Hopefully the voters will take this case of the “Million Dollar Baby” brought forth by Terri's family (The Schindlers) and form their own “Schindler’s List” voting nay, to all of those of both parties that voted yea early this morning.

Bill Frist Continues to Prove that One Does Not Have To Be An Intellect to Be a Doctor

The same guy who said that AIDS could be spread from sweat, even by handshakes now chimes in on his medical opinions regarding Terri Schiavo. This feedback comes from a Dr. who never has seen or provided a medical consultation for Terri Schiavo. Looks to the Bird like this guy is not only unethical in politics, but also medicine.

And this is the man many of the Neo-conservatives want to be their Presidential candidate in 2008?

Oh well as the Beatles said; “You say you want a revolution, well you know we all want to rule the world...”.

Speaking of Revolutions

One thing that the rest of the world has learned as we celebrate our second anniversary of the invasion of Iraq is that insurgencies work.

If we continue with these neo-conservative (the American Taliban) ideologies, perhaps we may need to consider starting our own passive-aggressive insurgency on the home front.

If only 5% of the U.S. population were to destroy a $1000 of government property per day over a 60-day period the tab would approach a trillion dollars. Our population is about 300 Million, you do the math. While I seriously do not endorse this idea, it would hit them where it hurts the hip pocket.

Polticians Strike Out...

Major League Baseball Returns to D.C. for the Second Time in a Year

First it was the relocation of the Major League Baseball owned Montreal Expos to the Washington D.C. area. The new team now known as the Washington Nationals will be the third franchise to call our nation’s capital its home. The first two franchises were both known as the Washington Senators. Both of these organizations failed, with one relocating to Minnesota becoming the Twins and the other relocating to Texas, now known as the Rangers.

"Perhaps Senators failing in Washington is America’s true national pastime!"

Today Major League Baseball will return to our Nation’s Capital for a second time in the same year. Selected players subpoenaed by the U.S. House of Representatives Committee on Government Reform have been summoned to appear regarding steroid use in baseball.

Why has the Federal Government decided they must intervene in this matter?

One possible reason mentioned is due to the fact that steroids are now being used by High School athletes competing in sports for future scholarships and professional contracts. In addition to the direct health effects of steroid use, some parents have claimed that steroids have also led to their children/athletes committing suicide.

A second possible reason mentioned is due to the fact that baseball is considered America’s national pastime. A pastime measured by statistics, and the beliefs that players pumped up on steroids are now distorting these statistics.

The final possible reason given is the lack of governing by Major League Baseball regarding steroid use. The new ruling regarding steroid abuse is 10 days for a player’s first offense, 30 days for the second, 60 days for the third, a year for the forth and/or fines. These represent the majority of the reasons given by the U.S Government for their intervention on steroid abuse in baseball.

Now allow me to provide a “bird’s eye view” regarding these hearings.

I agree steroids are an issue among young High School athletes, however our nation’s public education system is failing and that is a true crisis. Where are the hearings regarding this fact? Where are the hearings regarding the over prescribing of Rittlen among our children? Where are the hearings regarding how FDA approved drugs like Zoloft that lead to children suicides? Where are the parents regarding their own responsibility of steroid use by their children?

Baseball Hall of Famer and Senator Jim Bunning said that when he played the game that "a 150 pound second baseman could not hit a baseball 425’, and only Mickey Mantle had the strength to hit a baseball that far." Mr, Bunning when you played baseball the pitcher’s mound was five inches higher and weight training was non-existent. Sure players like Mantle and Ruth were blessed with strength and the uncanny ability to hit a baseball, but they were also drunks. Another factor that may contribute to the fact of such an increase in power is that the baseballs used in today’s games are juiced more than the hitters.

Baseball is our national pastime and has always been a mirror that reflected the good and bad of our society. The same is true for today’s situation. Failed leadership in baseball is a direct reflection on the failed leadership in Corporate America and our political landscape. Baseball’s commissioner Bud Selig not only failed to put in place an effective plan for eliminating steroid use in baseball, but in 1994 he allowed the World Series to be cancelled by failing to negotiate with the players union. Not even World War II caused the World Series to be cancelled. Sure the players union are somewhat responsible for both of these issues, but as I stated earlier baseball is merely a mirror of society, the lack of leadership within ownerships and unions have been responsible for the negative impact on many aspects of our society for years. If Bud Selig were in the batter’s box his count would be NO BALLS and ONE STRIKE. If George Bush and the majority of America’s politicians were in the batter’s box the count would simply be NO BALLS.

Perhaps another reason for today’s hearings is Representative Tom Davis (R) of Virginia a driving political force behind today’s events was driven further by the greed of the former Expos relocating to D.C. rather than his home state of Virginia.

Players that use steroids are cheaters and should face harsher penalties, but this should be governed by baseball. Sure drug testing can be improved by Major League Baseball, but its current standards are substantial when compared to the NBA. Then again our government has a 250 year track record regarding its compassion toward minorities. In fact not one family testifying that their child committed suicide was a minority, they were all white. Whether it is smoking blunts by the NBA players, or MLB players taking steroids, the same arguement holds true that the habits of atheletic role models impact the habits of impressionable youth. Perhaps the only difference is steroids seem to impact young people with a lighter (whiter) skin pigmentation.

If our government wants to have hearings our nation faces many real crisis, and steroids are merely an issue.

I truly would like to see the players called before the hearing committee today exercise their rights and plead the 5th during the witch-hunts. Not based upon their guilt, but for the stupidity of such a forum, and the waste of taxpayer money.

When it comes to effective leadership in government, I believe it is time to PLAY BALL! Today's hearings only demonstrated that stupidity is bipartisan.

Vote The Bird in '08

I believe it to be a fact that regardless if a politician is Republican or Democrat, special interest groups control them both, and in turn control our country.

It was not until the past five years that I realized that the qualifications to be President of the United States were really not that difficult to meet.

So “The Bird” has decided to throw his hat into the ring for the 2008 Presidential Election.

My campaign will be based upon the old Stealer’s Wheels classic lyrics “Clowns to the Left of Me, Jokers to My Right, Here I Am Stuck in the Middle With You”.

I will not run on any of the traditional Party tickets Democratic, Republican, Independent, or Green as they have each failed in my humble opinion to address the needs of the American citizen.

Rather, I will create a new Party, the Toga Party.

Why the Toga Party?

First, the Greeks started the foundation of Democracy, and these ole boys wore togas.

Second, who among us did not love the movie Animal House (A little bit louder now, a little bit louder now, a little bit louder now…).

Finally, for once when a Southern white male wears a sheet it will be for a good cause.

If elected President I pledge to the citizens of this great nation the following:

1) I will downsize the bureaucracy of Federal government by cutting the Federal government by no less then 60%, pushing resources and accountability down to State and Local government levels.

2) I will invest in defense spending, but I will also provide the resources to support those whom serve and have served in our nation’s military with regards to housing and healthcare.

3) Education will no longer receive lip service. Education is the single factor that is the root to so many of our nation’s problems. America’s Public Education system will be the best in the world.

4) I will privatize the United States Postal Service. If we are going to have policies such as “Do Not Call List for Telemarketers, and anti-spam for the Internet, we need to also eliminate “junk mail”. This will make the USPS a financial loser for the taxpayer, so we will sell it.

5) I will provide the financial resources and the initiatives similar to JFK’s challenge to put a man on the moon with regards to calling for an alternative to fossil fuels.

6) Those in our military lose many freedoms when they enlist to serve our country. I would propose a lobbyist reform act that will require any interaction between Federal politicians and special interest lobbyist to be public record within 48 hours of these discussions. Further elected officials will not be allowed to serve in lobbying capacities for 5 years after they leave office.

7) I will take an aggressive stance regarding our environment, aiding our planet and creating new economies.

Sure I have other ideas, but as President I believe it is important one more effectively balance the influence between Wall Street and Main Street. So please post your ideas below and encourage your friends to do so as well. After all running for President closely resembles running for Prom Queen, in its purist form it is a popularity contest.

I also realize we have other important issues like Healthcare, Medicaid, Medicare, and Social Security to name a few. However many of these issues are simply the byproducts of the issues I have pledged to address above.

How do you pay for these things?

1) By eliminating the bureaucracy of federal government it will provide us with a surplus of money that we do not have today.

2) Loopholes and tax shelters for the wealthiest individuals will be eliminated.

3) Payroll taxes will be required of U.S. Businesses regardless of where the employee may live on our planet.

4) Being an economic superpower, we will flex our economic muscle in the G8 and China in shaping the global economy.

5) The Federal government will not govern individual morality. We will encourage States to do the same, by closely regulating and taxing the legalization of gambling, drugs, and prostitution. These are things that no civilization can eliminate. The money to be made on the taxes, the cost saved on enforcement, and the crippling blow to organized crime would be a windfall to our economy. (This is an upcoming article in the Poop)

In the words of the late, great John Belushi “Toga, Toga, Toga…”, and I ask for your vote. Remember “The Bird in ’08”!

Proud To Be a Liberal

A Microsoft Perspective Regarding
Liberal vs. Conservative

Each day Microsoft Word makes many of us look smarter than we actually are. Tools such as spell check and grammar check butcher both our business and personal documents with red and green squiggly lines, similar to those pens from the teachers of our youth.

If one is cursed with a limited vocabulary Microsoft Word offers a thesaurus providing numerous synonyms to assist you in your composition. The Microsoft Word thesaurus also offers a single antonym to each word highlighted by the writer.

In today’s America hate radio, Christian fundamentalists, neo-conservatives, and propaganda organizations like FOX have attempted to turn the word liberal into a dirty word if not a sin.

In the 2004 election the Democratic Party seemed to run from the word “liberal” as if it was a bad fart in a small room.

So the Bird with limited research dollars decided he would investigate the fact and the fiction behind the words “liberal” and “conservative”.

For the purpose of this study I decided I would make every attempt to be “fair and balanced”.

As I have mentioned in earlier Bird Poops, I am personally liberal in many aspects of life yet conservative in some others.

I decided that to achieve the proper balance in this research that I would counter my personal liberal slant with that of one of Corporate America’s giant, Microsoft.

By utilizing the thesaurus provided by Microsoft Word, I have listed every synonym for the word “liberal” and “conservative”. I have also provided the single antonym offered by Microsoft for each of these words, and every synonym for each antonym provided for “Liberal” and “Conservative”.

The results from Microsoft’s thesaurus provide if you will forgive the pun windows into America’s current political climate.

“Liberal”

Synonyms for the word Liberal:

Open-minded, Broadminded, Moderate, Noninterventionist, Freethinking, Tolerant, and Laissez-faire.

Antonym for Liberal:

Narrow-minded

Synonyms for Narrow-minded:

Small-minded, Bigoted, Blinkered, Prejudiced, Biased, Insular, and Intolerant

“Conservative”

Synonyms for the word Conservative:

Traditional, Conventional, Conformist, Unadventurous, Old-fashioned, and Old school

Antonym for Conservative:

Avant-garde

Synonyms for Avant-garde:

Ultramodern, Activist, Forward-thinking, Advanced, Ahead of its time, Way-out, Far-out, Futuristic, Forward-looking and Modern.

So it would seem based upon this initial research of conservative synonyms and liberal antonyms that the sales pitch regarding neo-conservative values is just a load of hooey.

In fact this scientific data would support the hypothesis that neo-conservative values are more in line with tyrant dictators, than that of true American Patriots. It also validates my theory that neo-conservatives are not just morons, but the term itself is a oxy-moron

If you disagree with this data, don’t blame the Bird just call Bill Gates at (425) 882-8080.

On The Fly

This Week's On the Fly will go From Sick Clergy to "W's" European Vacation

Lack of Flu Vaccines Take A Bite Out of Global Clergy

It is Sunday so why not take some time to discuss some events from this week’s religious scene. This week one major figure, and one fat figure in the world of religion fell ill.

First there was Pope John Paul II.

Pope John Paul II returned to the hospital this past week suffering from complications of the flu. The Bird has no personal ax to grind with the Pope. Being raised a Southern Protestant; I just don’t understand how adults can be moved emotionally to the point of sobbing because an old guy with a funny hat goes to the hospital.

But than again I do not believe that God would insist on a vow of celibacy among the religious leaders in the Catholic Church. In fact I believe I can say with the utmost confidence that God had rather a priest to screw his wife, than the youth of his congregation.

And then there was Rev. Jerry Falwell.

This week the Rev. Jerry Falwell was also admitted to the hospital, where he was placed on a respirator for a viral infection. Maybe instead of finding Jesus, brother Jerry should look for a few more salad bars. As the leader of the Immoral Majority, Falwell has promoted intolerance and hatred in the name of God.

One of the many so-called sins brother Jerry has targeted over the years is euthanasia and doctor assisted suicide. After a couple of seconds of deliberation, I believe I would vote for Doctor assisted homicide when it comes to Falwell.

Falwell is also the founder of Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. The motto of Liberty U. is “the doors are always open and the minds are always closed.” Liberty is the foundation in which Falwell’s doctrine of intolerance in the name of Jesus is burned into weak minds or what I like to call the Future Taliban of America (FTA).

Next time you see a person walking down the street with their mouth hanging open, just realize that he or she is probably a Liberty Grad!

Amen!

European Vacation, “W” Style

This week President George W. Bush journeyed across the big pond to do what was touted as a little fence mending with our European allies.

Protestors lined the streets throughout Europe to protest America’s “Little Dick-Tater” as he made his whirlwind tour through Europe.

The Bush Administration had many items on the agenda for his European vacation:

1. The administration wanted to take immediate advantage of the success of the Iraqi elections and to reach across the table to what this administration refers to as “Old Europe” (France, Spain, Germany, England, etc…). Early returns on these efforts have been about as successful as the administrations fence mending results with those of us in the “Old US”. You know those of us that still believe in governing based upon the Bill of Rights and the Constitution, rather than radical biblical interpretations and "gut feelings".
2. Once Bush had attempted to mend these so-called fences he needed to ask for favors. Bush was seeking a variety of assistance from Europe/NATO regarding Iraq. These tactics of conversation are “old hat” for Bush. “Daddy I am sorry I wrecked the car. I know you told me not to drink and drive. By the way do you think I might have the keys to mom’s car I got a date with Laura tonight.”
3. The President wanted to address concerns regarding European arm sales to China. But when America’s largest business Walmart is closer to China than America in its way of thinking, and America funds such a large portion of the growing China economy, let he who is without sin throw rocks in glasshouses.
4. There are concerns on Russia and what many consider their backsliding on democracy. We have a gulag in Guantonomo Bay, the Patriot Act, and are demolishing the separation of church and State, and Bush has the gall to question Russia on their commitment toward democracy. Let’s face it Bushy can only push this one so far. Not based upon his own policies, but for the simple fact he knows Putin a martial art expert can kick his ass, as fast as you can say Waco! The Bird would actually pay big money to see that!
5. The final item of business was Iran. This included developing a consistent message to Iran, from Europe and the United States. It also involved the sell of materials by European nations particularly with regards to items that might be utilized by Iran in their nuclear efforts. Meanwhile U.S. based Haliburton continues through its subsidiaries located outside of the U.S. to sell equipment and services to Iran that are key in driving Iranian economies.

A Birdseye View on Bushes European Vacation

Simply put “Greed Kills”. The greed for money and the greed for power drive both U.S. and European policies. This reality must be recognized and included in the President’s message to Europe now and in future discussions.

If the President continues his idiotic and unrealistic policies domestically and globally, the world is in great trouble.

For the time being if I were a European leader my comments to the President could be summarized by Eric Clapton’s lyrics “Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself...”.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today a reflection on February 14th, Valentine’s Day!

“Cause love is What I Got….”

"You know love is a funny thing?"

Today in nearly every Pre School, Kindergarten, and Elementary School across the country, the young children of America will swap Valentine cards with their classmates.

I remember when I was young and Valentine’s Day was an official in school holiday.

The night before I would sit at the kitchen table with my mother going through a theme box of Valentine’s Day cards, picking out my favorites for my best friends.

It seemed each year there would be a special someone of the female persuasion that I would seek to express my forever burning passions for. Searching for that perfect little soul mate to share my time and experiences in fort building, finding rocks, catching crawdads, building bike trails, and maybe from time to time when no one was looking to sneak an occasional kiss. You know love is a funny thing?

Valentine’s Day provides schoolage children throughout America with a chance to express their endless love in the secretness of an envelope to the object of their young affection. Valentine’s Day is a cootie free zone; a day when love is in the air, and your friends cannot make fun of you.

During this time you learn that in life sometimes you win in love, sometimes you lose. You know love is a funny thing?

It was during these young years I learned the term; “we could still be friends.” The term is the ultimate escape route when you’re saying it and provides a gut wrenching feeling of rejection when you hear it.

Those Valentine's Day class cupcakes, with red frosting and a cup of Kool-Aid have been the first step in a healing process for many of young broken hearts.

When I was in second grade I invested 6 quarters in a gumball machine that provided toy jewelry, until I finally got a ring worthy of my affection for a particular young girl in my class.

In my mind I wrote the most romantic of notes ever on the back of her Valentine card (best one in the box) in red crayon. It had something to do with the color of roses and violets.

She lived within one bus stop of mine, so I enclosed in my note an invitation to my house to play in the near future. To top it off, I enclosed a ring in the envelope. This ring did not have just any stone, it was a Mood Ring. It was a symbol of my love. You know love is a funny thing?

I knew she would be overwhelmed with my words of love, and my sensitivity to the fact that women love jewelry when it comes to their accessorizing. There was no doubt that she would accept my invitation to a play date and that we would live happily ever after.

My young plan of love did actually work. I made her laugh as we ate cupcakes. Frosting stained our teeth as we talked throughout the remainder of the Valentine’s Day Party, and later even held hands on the school bus. You know love is a funny thing?

A few days later my new girlfriend showed up to my house.

My parents were out of town and my grandmother was staying with us. My grandmother demonstrated true Southern hospitality to my little visitor, walking her to the screen porch where I was waiting.

My grandmother exited, but shortly returned with snacks and soda. Wow, did I feel like the player. Grandma’s extra touches were just more icing on my plan of love. In my young mind, all that was missing was the junior size Hugh Hefner smoking jacket!

We sat at the porch table sipping sodas and exchanging glances, I showed her my rock collection. She was impressed. In fact she was so impressed she asked me if she could have several of my favorite rocks. Well they say a diamond is forever, and to a second grader the same might be said for his rocks.

I gave her my favorite rocks she had selected; when she left that day she gave me a kiss. This sealed our commitment for each other.

But after that day she did not talk much to me at school. I decided one day at recess I would invite her back to my house. She said “no and that she thought it would be best if we were just friends.”

"How could this happen? She took my favorite rocks. She kissed me. She even accepted my Mood Ring. "

"Hey wait a minute", I thought!

When she was wearing the Mood Ring it was always tranquil blue when I was around. That is a good thing. So it was not me it was her. She loved me and I had this scientific data to prove it.

Later that day I played with my friends at the park near my home. When my mother called, I rode my bike off into the sunset, home for dinner and with a happy heart.

Adults experience rejection and they often have a tendency to be far more melancholy in their reflection, often finding refuge in the famous quote; “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to love at all.

I was in second grade and simply thought, “You know love is a funny thing?”

Valentine’s Day Greetings

The darker side of Valentine’s Day is represented by its true commercialism. It is driven by greeting card companies, jewelry companies, restaurants, hotels, adult novelties and florist to name a few. If an industry has something that can help you find love, fall in love, feel love, achieve love, or get laid they are marketing it with an unbridled passion on Valentine’s Day!

On the brighter side, Valentine’s Day is an annual reminder to each of us to tell those we love how much we care.

My grandparents are no longer with us, but they are in my heart everyday. Not a day goes by that something does not trigger a memory of each of them. I might not be able to talk with them in person to tell them how much they are loved, but I believe they know how I feel!

My mom and dad are the roots of my very existence. Biologically they have given me life, spiritually they have given me hope, morally they have given me values, and most importantly of all they have taught me how to love! Love of Life, Love of Self, and Love of Others!

My wife is my true love and my companion. When we first met I was defined by most of those who knew me as a wild man. My wife is not only my love, but also my anchor to reality. There are many times I wonder when she committed to “for better or worse”, if she knew there would be times I would take that literally. Our thirteen years together have been wonderful, and I love her more now than the day we married! Ask me tomorrow and it will be even more.

We have two children. The first-born is our 5-year-old son. Watching him is like looking at a mirror into my past. He is going to be a genuine world shaker! Our five-month-old little girl is the happiest baby. She like her mother, smiles almost all the time. What ever she chooses to do in life, I believe this little girl is going to be happy and in control.

In many ways and for many reasons my younger brother is my hero. Regardless who you are, mess with one, you mess with us both. We have always been kind of like the Cartwright’s when it comes to our commitment.

And then there is Catfish the wonder dog, one of the best friends a man could ask for. Who of us cannot appreciate the unconditional love of a great dog?

To all the rest of my family and friends I would like to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day and say I love you!

“Ain’t nothing but love here...”

For the readers of the Poop, Happy Valentine’s Day to you and the ones you love.

If it happens you are romantically feeling a little blue this Valentine’s Day, just listen to the words of the old song “You Can’t Hurry Love”. You will find many of life’s truths may be found in the lyrics of Motown.

Keep in mind that there is somebody for everyone, so keep on trying. And on this Valentine’s Day, “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you're with”.

Take it from the Bird, when it comes to love you may lose a few rocks, but life was never intended to be a solo mission!

“You know love is a funny thing?”

Some Others Selected as Time Magazine's Man of the Year

They say absolute power corrupts absolutely. Here's some historical perspective. Each of these world leaders have been selected as Time Magazine's Man of the Year.

Hitler was madman blinded by hatred, and wanted to force his ideologies upon the world.

Stalin ruled with an iron fist, forcing his corrupt bullying policies over the needs of his own people.

Khomeni used radical religous zealots to seize political power.

George W. Bush well he has forced his ideologies on the world. He keeps rules with an iron fist that he soaks in a glove filled with vaseline. Carl Rove and George Bush ran an election by recruiting many of America's most radical right evangelicals. These tactics probably closer resembled the Taliban than Khomeni.

No, I am not saying Bush is evil like Hitler and Stalin. These infamous sons of bitches killed millions of people.

However an incompetent leader of the world's most powerful nation can cause as much harm to our world, and our country at this time as an evil one.

I am not sure what I find the most difficult to believe, that Bush was re-elected President or that the Democrats could not find someone that could beat this guy.

The President turns his back to traditional Republican values by expanding the size of federal government, increasing deficit spending, weak imigration policies, and social security reform.

You see Time's Man of the Year does not select individuals based upon the criteria that they are a good person. In 1998 Kenn Starr and President Clinton were on the cover, for a crazy witch hunt whose expenses were ran on the taxpayer's tab.

The Democrats have no specific agenda for tomorrow, and the Republican's agenda has been high-jacked by a President "with gut feelings", who could care less about the constituion and supported by the radical religous right.

But last year the Time Man of the Year cover did go to good. It went to heroes. It went to courage. It went to unselfish sacrifice. It went to the American soldier. Wow what a difference a year makes!

The Pub and the Pulpit

Many of our nation’s hopes and ideas for independence were initially rooted in the churches and the taverns of the American colonies. Regardless of the contrast between the soil of the pulpit and the soil of the pub, the seeds of our independence took growth in the common ground of liberty and freedom.

History tells us that on December 16, 1773, 60 American Patriots dressed up like Mohawk Indians and dumped 342 chests of tea into the Boston harbor to protest the new British Tea Act imposed on the American colonies.

But What Really Happened?

That evening started when 5,000 colonists from Boston and neighboring towns met with the Governor at The Old South Meeting House. The purpose of their efforts were to convince the Governor to send the ships back to England without paying the tax duties required by law. But with the lack of courage found in the typical politician, the Governor said "no" to this plan.

Once this meeting was adjourned a few of these Patriots probably got together at a local tavern.

During the first round of ale, frustration with the British Empire led the discussions.

During the second round of ale, their discussions leaned toward the lack of intestinal fortitude of their Governor.

After a few more rounds, a patriot shouted, “ I have half a mind to go to those ships and steal that tea.”

Another patriot feeling the spirit of the ale quickly replied “you do have a half of mind if you believe you can remove all of those chests of tea from those ships without getting caught. Best case you would wind up in the stocks, and worst case on the end of a rope.”

A third Patriot chimed in “they would not waste the time nor the rope, it would simply be a musket ball through his thick skull.”

The banter about their situation went on for another hour or a couple of rounds until they had ridden the current subject into the ground. (These two things are still commonplace in the American Tavern; 1st) Time may be measured by the clock or consumption 2nd) All conversations of interest will eventually be run into the ground.)

Finally one of the Patriots said, “We could dump their damn tea into the harbor. If enough of us went to the ships, the tea would be setting in the bottom of the harbor before we were even noticed.”

“But what if we were noticed? The King would certainly seek retribution on us and our families,” commented a patriot.

Finally from out of the corner of the tavern the drunkest patriot of all, laughing hysterically, shouted, “We will dress-up like the damn Mohawk Indians, and toss their bloody tea into the harbor!”

Throughout the tavern patriots rumbled with “here, here and count me in.” And well the rest is history. Now you also now know why they called it The Boston Tea "Party".

The Bird will tell you this was obviously a drinking man’s plan. Whether this story resembles the truth, I do not know.

What is fact is many of my ancestors plotted in both the pub and the pulpit with regards to our nation’s independence. In a time when some in our nation are feeling so self righteous about their beliefs, and a few even view the separation of church and state as a myth. I would remind these folks of another saying popular among our founding fathers “Don’t Tread on Me.”

Because nobody appreciates a redneck more until a fight breaks out.

A Child's Game or Our Political Climate?

If this game were to actual scale of our Political landscape the red robot would have "knocked the block off" the blue robot.

Happy Ground Hogs Day!

Yesterday was Groundhogs Day, and at 7:31 AM Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, which as legend says it means 6 more weeks of winter.

Last night at 9:00 PM President Bush delivered his State of the Union Address, which means four more years of Bush.

All of sudden six more weeks of winter does not look that bad...

Last night’s State of the Union showed the true division in our country between the Republican Party and the Democratic Party, and their ever changing ideologies. Half of the audience had ear to ear smiles. Some of them even waving their purple fingers stood and loudly applauded every word that came from the President’s lips. The other half sat, with a constipated expression, seldom standing, and when they did applaud it was ever so lightly.

The fact is powerful lobbyists and their self-serving agendas are deteriorating our country and control both of these parties, and only a fool would throw blind faith support in either camp at this point in our history.

Our political parties remind me of a toy from my youth “Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots”.

This game is no longer on toy store shelves, but is being played in Washington for very high stakes. In the red corner we have a long line of lobbyists pushing the buttons that control Republican agendas. And in the Blue Corner there is an equally long line of lobbyists pushing the buttons that control Democratic agendas. And they want us to pick a side?

In 2000 America was given the choice between Al “I Move Like A Robot” Gore and George “The Village Idiot” Bush.

Last year it was John “I Have Blue Blood” Kerry and George “The Village Idiot” Bush.

Four months after the election we still have folks driving around with their Bush bumper stickers, and others out of protest still have their Kerry Stickers. For Christ sakes peel them off! Neither is man is worthy of such blind loyality.

I did not vote for Kerry because of his leadership, I voted for him because I believe The President to be totally incompetent.

In my opinion neither candidate was worthy of placing a bumper sticker on a car. Bumper space should be reserved for life’s most important messages like “FOLLOW TO CLOSELY AND I WILL FLICK A BOOGER ON YOUR WINDSHIELD”, or “MY CHILD CAN BEAT UP YOUR HONOR STUDENT”

Regarding the State of the Union

Social Security Reform is a important subject and was big on the President’s agenda last night, but it pales in comparison to Education Reform, Healthcare Reform, or Political Reform.

Take the two trillion dollars and create the national motivation like Kennedy put forward in the Space program, apply it to an alternative energy program, and we could tell OPEC and Hugo Chavez to eat their oil.

We have some good leaders in the United States. If we as a nation finally insisted on term limits, got rid of career politicians, and put some tight legal leashes on lobbyists we could actually have two good choices in a Presidential election for once, and see peace and prosperity like we never could imagine.

Until then it is going to be a cold winter, and an even colder 4 more years!

“Politics: It is derived from the Latin word Poly meaning “Many” and ticks which are blood sucking creatures.”

- Bill Mahr

Purple Reign, Purple Reign...

With some reports claiming that over a 100,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed since the U.S. occupation, this may be how many Iraqis feel about our President.

Purple Reign, Purple Reign...

Disclaimer regarding the title: OK, The Bird stole the title from Prince’s Purple Rain, but in many ways our President’s ideologies are more akin to a Prince. Prince Machiavelli that is.

Purple Reign, Purple Reign...

With the State of the Union due this week you can bet your bottom dollar (and in this economy that is a lot) that President George W. Bush will bask in the glory of the Iraqi voter turnout. A success while historical is only a baby step toward democracy for Iraq and the Middle East.

A success that was paid for by over 1,400 American lives, and to a lesser degree American money, if one can even use over $200 Billion dollars and less in the same sentence.

If anyone deserves the credit for this election it would be our courageous troops and their sacrifices, which made it possible in the first place. It would be the citizens of Iraq who actually risked their lives to show up and vote (See The Bird Poop 1/30/05 “Today” Courage Has Many Faces). It should not be our President who led us into the invasion of Iraq under the pretense of weapons of mass destruction.

Back to the subject of money, the million-dollar question for the State of the Union is “What is the timetable for when our troops will return home to our country and their families?”

And Mr. President while this is jeopardy for our nation; please do not answer in the form of a question.

Perhaps a timetable is too difficult of a question, than explain to your nation Mr. President how you will use these successes from Sunday’s election (you know another mandate from the people) to build a real coalition to provide relief for our military and to assure the security, and the possibility of a real democracy in Iraq?

Based upon recent speeches the President will probably wear the neo-conservative blue tie. A fashion statement for the neo-conservatives as the swastika is to the neo-nazis. Maybe just once he will abandon the blue tie and elect to wear a purple tie. This as a symbolic gesture for the way the Iraqis kept track of who voted in Sunday’s election.

Another big fashion question is what will the President choose to wrap himself in? Will it be faith?Will it be liberty? Will it be freedom? Will it be social security reform? The Bird believes it will actually be a tapestry of each of these powerful subjects, all of which have become clichés when our President speaks.

Regardless who is declared the winner in the Iraqi election, it will be a greater success for Iraq, than the clown we elected in 2004.

Lord, Just Let Me Be The Man My Dog Thinks I Am...

I have always been leery of men that own many cats. I believe women evaluating a potential mate can gain a lot of information regarding a man’s compassion for how he cares for his dog.

When it comes down to real dog lovers, we each feel our dog is the greatest four-legged friend to ever walk the planet, and the Bird is no different. I would shoot a man that hurt my dog as quickly as I would one that hurt anyone else in my family.

My dog’s daddy was a Black Lab and his mother was a Vizsla. Vizslas are Hungarian hunting dogs, particularly bird dogs. In Hungary the word Vizsla means "alert and responsive" and that describes him to a tee. One might say my dog “Catfish” is half duck dog and half bird dog, but I just consider him one of my best friends.

When I come home he runs out to meet me with his ears flapping in the wind, and his tail wagging as if he were auditioning for a role in a Jim Dandy dog food commercial.

Both of us prefer fishing to hunting, but when something catches his attention the old boy’s bloodline shows through as he points to his target of interest.

What ever I am doing, he wants to be a part of it. When the Bird goes on vacation, Catfish is always invited. When I am grilling and chilling, usually with a cocktail in my hand he is right by my side. And he loves nothing more than hanging out at the beach, getting as excited as a child at Christmas when he hears the word “beach”.

I never had a dog that enjoyed baths, but Catfish loves a bath or shower. When he was a puppy he would routinely jump in the shower with my wife or me each morning when we were preparing for work.

When bedtime rolls around he lays in bed right by my side. He also understands the fact that sleep is not the only thing my wife and I do in the bedroom, and when we are doing the other he just finds a place on the floor to lie down until we are done.

He loves our children, he loves my wife, but as my son says he is daddy’s dog.

I guess that’s true and for all his craziness over the years I sure do love him, and I am sure if he could talk he would say the exact same thing!

Catfish will sit, shake, speak, or lay down on command. Most importantly he always comes to me when he is called, wagging that long ole’ tail. He will be 7 in April, the once black under his chin is now grey. I cannot help but think; as he is growing older that one-day he will not be there when I call.
When that day comes I will take off from work, it will be our last trip to the beach where I will leave his ashes. I think when that time comes Catfish would have liked that!

www.aspca.org

Catfish the wonder dog 

On the Fly- "Today" Courage Has Many Faces

On The Fly
"Today" Courage Has Many Faces

In past Bird Poops I have shared with you my high regard for the courage and professionalism of our men and women in uniform. Perhaps with today’s Iraqi election many of those who have been serving in Iraq and their families felt some gratification for their sacrifices from the Iraqi people as they turned out in great numbers to vote.

"Today" courage had many faces in Iraq. There are the faces of our troops, those of the British, Polish, Spanish, and handful of other nations in the coalition, the ones of the Iraqi security forces, and perhaps most of all “on this day” there are the faces of the Iraqi people.

In America we use marketing campaigns like “Rock the Vote” or “Vote or Die” to motivate our citizens to get off their backsides and vote.

In Iraq the insurgents promised tactics such as vote and die, to literally rock the voting polls with suicide bombers, and to fill the streets with the blood of voters.

Yet, early returns say as many as 72% of eligible Iraqis turned out to vote, many bringing their children to witness history.

Yes, this is only the first step in democracy. It still remains to be seen if the religious factions will reach across the table to one another in the development of the Iraqi Constitution, but "today" was a historical moment.

"Today" the Iraqi voters risked their lives, some even died; others were wounded as the insurgents delivered on earlier promises of terrorism.

"Today" these individuals demonstrated to many American citizens what courage really is, and perhaps in their own way the true meaning of democracy.

Somewhere Between Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh is America

Somewhere between Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh, Just Feels Right!

Somewhere Between Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh Just Feels "Right"

Disclaimer

Before I start with this Poop, I would like to say its title only relates to Mr. Moore’s and Mr. Limbaugh’s ideologies. I don’t see anything being “right” about the literal aspect of being wedged between these two heavyweight egos, especially if you were seated between them on an airplane.

I would like to further state that the map of our nation between these two giant heads is to actual scale.

Our Nation’s Political Climate

During the election of 2004 the media and politicians threw around phrases of a “polarized nation” and “a nation divided”.

John Edwards stated, “that we were a country with two nations”. Al Sharpton reminded us during the democratic debates “we actually had many nations within our country.”

The fact is we are a divided nation, and the thermostat continues to rise.

Wall Street and their D.C. lobbyists built the new global economy and it has had a horrible impact on Main Street. The global economy is a game made by the greed of power brokers, with no regards to how the game would be played. A five year old will tell you that any game that does not have rules on the box top, sets the stage for people to cheat, and in this global economy we have witnessed this from Enron to China.

In America the lines between the haves and have not continue to grow larger with regards to income, insurance, healthcare, education, and quality of life.

For most of the 20th Century and now into the beginning of the 21st we have had a bitter division between Republican and Democrats.

Personally I have always identified the Democratic Party as the one for the common man, workers in labor unions, social reform, teachers in education, and national security.

The Republican Party I have seen as the one that supports big business that drives the economy and capitalism. It believes in a lower tax burden on American citizens, downsizing government, and national security.

In these purists of forms that I have recognized, the two parties each bring good things to America’s table. Through compromise in Congress these parties tend to reach in most cases a common ground that serves our nation needs and interest.

Unfortunately both these Parties have morphed from their traditional values that I have identified. Powerful lobbyists and weak leadership have driven these mutations of the two parties. The civility and professionalism within Politics have been missing from our political culture for almost 20 years. While I believe Zell Miller is misguided, maybe dueling should be legalized in some cases if we cannot return to an era of civility in any other way.

Unless you live in a cave you certainly recognize the fact that our nation and its population are polarized right down the middle, and perhaps this is the only common ground we can even find in our separated nation.

Regardless who you are; if you look through your family tree you will find family members that are Democrats and others that are Republicans.

Unless you are completely close-minded, you probably have friends that fall into both Republican and Democratic camps.

When we as individuals consider the broader aspects of our lives we find areas that we are conservative, and others where we are liberal.

So why should we swear allegiance to any party, afterall it is not college football. When it comes to voting listen to your mind, follow your heart, remember that the average politician does not deserve your sword, your money, or your emotional support, and it is up to you to decide if they deserve your vote.

I have voted for Republicans and Democrats in my adult life, in many cases I have found myself not voting for one candidate, but against another.

In 2004 I voted against George Bush and for John Kerry, I voted against my Democratic Governor, rather than for his Republican counterpart. I felt the two incumbents had failed in their jobs, their leadership, and their service to the people. Guess what both the guys I voted against won, son of bitches.

The Media

Mark Twain once said, “There are three type of lies. Lies, damn lies, and statistics.

One of the reasons we may have a divided nation is that under the Reagan administration the FCC changed equal time requirements to political commentary over the broadcast networks. This has lead to extreme left and radical right commentary from the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore, Al Franklin, and Bill O’Reilly just to name a few of the usual suspects. These “entertainment” shows are no different than sports radio talk shows. All of these entertainers are in business for the sole purpose of flaming human emotion, barking out to their audiences how they should think, and selling advertising slots.

This battle has now expanded into the real media. CBS’s 60 Minutes and Dan Rather reported weeks before the election on Bush’s military service, or lack there of. This story had the research accuracy one would typically find in a supermarket tabloid. This battle was demonstrated further this week as Fox News and CNN Founder and one of my heroes Ted Turner exchanged verbal blows.

Some of our nations newspapers have gotten away from being objective, and lead with either a strong liberal or a conservative slant. Many of these papers are best suited for wrapping fish than reading, but as the late great columnist Lewis Grizzard once said “if you wanted the truth it would cost a lot more than a quarter”.

Last, but not least, it came out last week that the Bush administration has paid money to Armstrong Williams to endorse the President’s controversial “No Child Left Behind Policy”, along with the release of the fact that two more conservative reporters were paid off this week to tout other administration policies.

What the Hell is a Neo-Conservative?

This administration and many of its followers claim to be Neo-Conservatives. First. Neo-Conservative is a oxy-moron, a contradiction in terms.

The Neo-Conservatives have completely abandoned their conservative roots when it comes to balanced budget, deficit spending, downsizing government and fair global trade.

Their ideology of international policy is either you are for us or against us.

They simplify healthcare as a single problem of tort reform, rather than tackling the actual complexity of the issue as it relates to the healthcare providers, the powerful insurance industry, the number of people lacking in quality healthcare and litigation.

In the past few years we have witnessed first hand the corruption in big business in America. Yet still President Bush and his Neo-Conservatives wish to overhaul America’s Social Security and reward Wall Street at the cost of over a trillion dollars to the American taxpayer. Once again a simple answer for a complex problem.

But, Bush and his Neo-Conservatives are simple people with simple answers.

Perhaps the greatest sin of George W. Bush and his Neo-Conservatives is that of committing the lives of our brave men and women in uniform in “his” preemptive war on Iraq. The death toll is now over 1,400 and climbing. The cost will approach well over 250 billion dollars to invade a country that represented little if no threat to our nation or way of life.

This is not a conservative administration, or your father’s Republican Party. But don’t believe The Bird; just listen to many of the comments expressed by John McCain, Pat Buchannan, or Henry Kissinger to name a few.

The Neo-Conservatives promote hatred and division to achieve their goals. Similar to our nations public enemy number one Osama Bin Laden they utilize radical religious beliefs to support their agenda. In many ways their organization is closer in political tactics to the Taliban than the Republican Party.

During the South Carolina Republican Primary of 2000 Bush and his Neo-Conservatives made false accusations against John McCain. Accusing him of fathering a child out of wedlock with a minority woman, to recruit those that still judge people by the color of their skin and not the content of their hearts.

In actuality the McCain’s had opened up their hearts and home to the adoption of a child through an international agency.

During this same South Carolina Primary then candidate Bush visited the racist atmosphere of Bob Jones University. This is a college that constantly has shared their bigotry with America in comments made by their president regarding Jews, Catholics, and Black Americans.

Bush used these same attack dogs to slander the military service record of John Kerry, while he dodged the Vietnam draft in a cockpit in the sky’s of Alabama. When he even showed!

I have always believed that the compromise between liberal and conservative values and policies are healthy for our nation, after all it takes vinegar and oil to make a salad.

Unfortunately Bush and his neo-conservative politicians are water to the liberal vinegar, and that just makes these so called neo-conservatives a bunch of douche bags!

Thanks Renee

Inspiration From My Wife's Workplace, and Other News

My wife last night shared with me a conversation from yesterday in the workplace in which the subject of politics came up.

The comment was made and I paraphrase "if our president with his narrow minded views lived in another country that he could easily become a dicatator". This was one of many comments, but this one inspired The Bird:

First, The Bird would like to point out that political commentary and job security don't always go hand in hand in our Orwellian Society.

Second, He has four more years so it might happen here.

Third, The Bird found these taters pictured above at the local Food Lion on the same night. Is this irony or a sign from above?

Is Iran Next?

In case you have not heard the "Beee-atch Boys" (Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld) latest hit, just follow the bouncing ball and sing along:

Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran
Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran
Bomb, Iran,
It is our Plan
Bomb Iran.....

One could rationalize with it's radical Islamic Ayatollah-Assahola leadership that they may deserve it. Who among us can forget our American hostages held in captivity for 444 days by these radicals religous zealots, not to mention their contiuous pursuit of nuclear weapons.

With that said over a third of the population represents young people under the age of 24. So if we decide to give Iran a taste of '"shock and aw" we certainly risk driving the youth of the Iranian culture toward radical Islam?

So for our policy makers The Bird offers these possible solutions:

1) Open up Hooters, TGI Fridays, and Bennigans franchises and other meat markets in Iran. I call this plan "Boobs vs Bombs". Nothing is more appealing to young people than getting laid and getting wasted.

2) Bombard them with the culture of our Music. This plan has a three phase approach. 1st we drop from our B-52 20 million iPods pre-loaded with Rock and Hip Hop. I ran the numbers and this phase would cost us approximately 2 Billion US Dollars compared to the 200 Billion or more we will spend in Iraq. 2nd Once they have accepted our music we schedule our musical talents from the Rock and Roll and Hip Hop world to perform in major Iranian cities. We send "The Boss, The Stones, P Diddy and Snoop Dog. During this phase we charge for tickets at over inflated prices, just like they do here in the good old US of A. Between ticket prices and tee-shirt sales we make back a good deal of the money we spent on the iPods. 3rd We recruit countries from Central/South America like Columbia to participate in my coalition, and we send our B-52s to Iran, but this time we drop millions of kilos of marijuana into Iran. This has many benefits, the two biggest being it builds the economies of countries whose citizens are flowing over our borders, and if the youth of Iran do not like our music they will be to stoned to fight.

3) We open 1,000s of Strip clubs through out Iran. We will liberate these young males with lap dances, pole slides, and girl on girl strip routines. And The Bird has not forgetten the ladies! We will have "ladies lock up" with performers such as the Chippendales, Buck Naked, Justin Case and some of the biggest pipe swinging males this side of the Euphrates River every Tuesday and Thursday nights.

Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll, could the Iranian Youth ask for anything more? Oh yeah I forgot please remember to tip your waitresses and bartenders as they are working hard for you...

Once we finish this policy in Iran, we may need to dupilicate it in Iraq, because they are preparing to elect possibly their own Ayatolla-Assahola, but who are we to complain?

Bush to Run for Prime Minister of Iraq as anonymous candidate on the Crusade Ticket.

Bush, Bush of Arabia...

Many rich people born with silver spoons in their mouths who could not cut the mustard in the business world stroke their egos in politics. John Kerry and George Bush certainly fit that bill. The Bird thinks Bush's political aspirations don't stop in DC, once again those Saudi relations might come to his aid...

The Bird Poop Rap, By: Barenaked Ladies

The Bird Poop Rap
By: Barenaked Ladies

Sometimes it's white, it's runny, a little bit fudgy
Whether that's from a parakeet or from a budgie
I don't know where it actually comes from
Filled with birdseed maybe comes from
the bum of the bird or maybe from the wing
I don't really know about the anatomy of such things
I don't know where birds digest their food
I'm gonna stop talking 'cause it's getting kinda rude about

Birdpoop, Birdpoop, I'm talking 'bout birdpoop
Sweetest birdpoop... Sweetest Birdpoop

Did you notice that Sadie had lipstick on her teeth
When she did Live Aid and you look underneath
of her shirt and you saw those fabulous nipples
When she touch the water she makes tiny little ripples
I gotta say that I like Sadie, looks like Sadie
but you say it just another way
When the birds are up in the rafters
fills Tyler Stewart he's the drummer with laughter
As you don't know how the bird's gonna do it
Maybe you should see if you can pull it down and screw it
But I don't think that that would be a good idea
My name is Ed Robertson and I would be a
If I could, but I can't so I'm gonna be me
I will just see if I can go get Mr. Freeze
That was Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Batman movie
Isn't this song really fucking groovy
I think so, so I'm a gonna keep singing
If you wanna do it then your ears will be ringing
I'm dropping your name and your knees are getting hot
Now I'm gonna see if I can get a bird and get a shot
You I can do it with the budgies
I can do it with a parakeet and I'm a buddy
With everyone on the stage here tonight
I'm a rocking it up and I'm doing all right with...

Birdpoop... Woooo! Birdpoop...
I'm gonna sing about birdpoop... birdpoop... birdpoop

Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you the new Prime Minister of Iraq

Quick anoint me in all this oil and make this baby official.

My God has Humor

In the Beginning…

I was raised as a Southern Baptist; as a child I was even a Royal Ambassador (RA). With my dad’s line of work, growing up my family moved around a lot. This exposed me to the differences in delivery, message, and sometimes even the ideology among the Southern Baptist Churches I attended throughout the South.

I was 14 when we moved to South Carolina, and by now on most Sundays it was my mother, little brother, and myself attending church, with my dad making the special guest appearance from time to time. The local Southern Baptist Church we went to a couple of times in South Carolina fire and brimstone style was not shared by mother, and it scared both me and my little brother. So we started attending the Presbyterian Church. I never new conversion could be that easy, but it was.

I always got a good feeling from going to church, but around the time I was 15, I was given the choice of church, or sleeping in on Sundays, and watching late morning cartoons leading up to the NFL pre-game show, all the good things I missed while at church.

My choice was easy, and guess what? Nothing bad happened. In fact in my mind a miracle took place that year, the Atlanta Falcons made it to the playoffs for the first time in franchise history, by completing hell Mary passes against the Saints and 49ers in their famous “Big Ben” formation. This was powerful stuff that changed their quarterback Steve Bartkowski from a party boy to a born again Christian. So while the Falcons made it to the playoffs, by losing my attendance in church and gaining Bartkowski that year the Lord went on to have a .500 season.

Since then not including weddings and funerals, the number of times I have attended church could be counted on your two hands, even if you have lost one or two fingers in an industrial accident. As I got older and lived in blue law states I realized the difference between Saturday night and Sunday morning could be measured by a second. It is referred to as "last call."

Revelations

I still believe in God, and enjoy listening to Gospel music occasionally on Sunday mornings, but I have come to the conclusion that if God can chill on Sunday, so can the Bird.

In my own way I saw the light:

• I believe it is impossible to look at nature and not to believe that there is some divine creator. One that loves, guides, and cares for all people regardless of race, religion, sex, sexual preference, or natural origin. You might say God was the first equal opportunity employer.
• I believe Jesus is the Son of God. In fact we are all God’s children. Some may say I am not a true Christian based upon this belief, but I beg to differ. I have always enjoyed the teachings of Christ in the New Testament; otherwise I would be of that “Old School religious” persuasion, Judaism.
• I believe that the Golden Rule is still “Do on to others, as you would have them do on to you.” Many in our country (a nation that Christ himself would probably call a culture of money changers) believe there is a second verse to the Golden Rule, “He with the gold makes all the rules”. Sounds to me like they must be the ones that live up to the sterotype that some equate to those of the “Old School Religion”.
• I believe some of my favorite verses can be found in Matthew 25:31-40. If you do not remember these verses look ‘em up, it is what life should be all about. If you don't own a bible, make yourself a note and the next time you are in a hotel room, doing what ever you might be doing look it up in the bible in the nightstand, the message is worthwhile. WARNING, if what you are doing, or about to do is sex, don't spoil the moment wait until your done with your earthly pleasures. A women reading the bible can hit a man like a cold shower.
• I believe God is love. When you feel love, you touch God.
• I believe God could care less about your diet plans that many religions seem to tout, which should be good news for the pork industry. Here's a tip buy Pork Belly Futures!
• I believe there is no difference between Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Carl Rove, the Radical Christian Right and the Taliban.

Many individuals take religion, and/or their interpretation of religion as fact rather than faith. Historically when this happens it often leads to evil things. These events have included war, rape, inquisitions, torture, and mad zealots crashing commercial airliners into buildings. Like Baskin Robbins, there are many flavors of religion, each for the most part have done great things. But each also has committed tragic sins during the history of humanity in the name of and within the shadows of their places of worship. So let he who is without sin throw rocks in glasshouses.

These are my beliefs and you have your own. We live in America and have that right. Our founding fathers, many having been persecuted for their own religious convictions in their previous countries saw to this. That is why they recognized the importance of the separation of church and state.

Amen

Many reading the Poop would say based upon my beliefs I am condemned to hell, and I guess that’s ok to, after all it’s your belief.

My belief is if Detroit can have suburbs so can hell. The suburbs of hell are reserved for the moderate sinners, and a smart ass like the Bird. In fact I just got my brochure that included a third floor condo overlooking the river Styx. It says it is close enough to wave to the ferryman from your balcony. Some might think the suburbs of hell are purgatory, but the brochure does not say anything about time-share options.

In the suburbs of hell the weather is always hot and humid, every time you order a beer it is warm, everyone cheats in golf, and each time you have sex you get the crabs (all guaranteed in the brochure), but it beats fire in brimstone. Reminds me of a spring break I once had in Panama City, but that is yet another story!

So whether you be Protestant, Catholic, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Buddhist, Rastafarian, or what ever, just respect others and their right to their beliefs. No one wants to feel left out as if they were the 3rd verse in a Baptist Hymn book in our great nation.

Keep the Faith,

The Bird

J.C. open up the pearly gates for J.C. 

Inspiration from a Post

Inspiration

My next poop was to focus on the President’s Inaugural Speech, however I realized I had 4 more years to peck at the President, but I was inspired by an anonymous comment posted on the Blog that went as follows:

“Nothing is more unpleasant than a dove pooping on you when you come out of the sub…but there you go, a birds’ poop can also be funny. Stay well”

I would like to thank this reader for his service in our nation's military, response, and the inspiration.

I don't consider myself a dove, but I will let you decide.

Thank You to Our Brave Men and Women Serving in Our Military

Our nation has many brave young men and women in the U.S. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard serving in our nations armed forces domestically and around the world. The people in our military are our friends and family. Many either have served, or are serving in the War in Iraq.

These individuals have a sense of duty, honor, discipline, and the responsibility to follow orders throughout their chain of command. These characteristics are seldom found in the civilian sector of our society. Debate or delay regarding orders is not an option, as this would lead to chaos among the ranks, that would result in substantial casualties in hostile environments, and the eventual decay of our great nation.

So to the individual who posted, and all those who courageously serve in the U.S. military, I say thanks. Stay well and stay safe.

I have deliberately avoided this subject of Iraq in the Poop. I felt that my thoughts on this matter in this type of forum would be in poor taste, in many ways I still do, but here goes….

My Beliefs on the Middle East and the War in Iraq

If the world needed an enema, the Middle East would be where you inserted it. Many of the cultures and certainly the leadership in these Middle East nations are as messed up as polio.

Their own governments fear these radical elements of Middle Eastern society, and terrorist acts by these groups from Beirut to the tragedy of 9/11 reflect their hatred toward America.

As a human emotion hatred can have many roots. The people of this area of the world have been oppressed and treated like whores by Western culture for centuries. They have also oppressed and treated each other with great brutality since the dawn of time.

Revenue from natural resources (oil) in most of these nations are monopolized by the royal families (or regimes), rather than distributed amongst the populous, which have resulted in poverty, lack of education, and little hope among the average citizen within these Middle East societies.

So what is the Bird's view about the nation's Iraq policy?

• I pray that somehow the chaos in Iraq will translate into freedom.
• I support our troops, and believe that regardless where you stand on the policy, they are performing their duty, and we all should keep them in our thoughts and prayers.
• I am glad Saddam's regime is over, and hope he will soon be on the bad end of a firing squad.
• I believe Donald Rumsfeld is one of the most arrogant son of a bitches to ever walk the earth. His comment regarding "you go to war with the army you got not the army you want ", when he and the president were the ones who elected to invade Iraq on their time schedule was absurd.
• I don't think i could afford to go shopping with "Boy George" our Commander and Creep at the Pottery Barn.
• Many have accused our President and Rumsfeld of being war criminals, and as much as I dislike their policies I believe this to be a little over the top. Also I would like to add, while I am not 100% sure I believe being a war criminal in the middle east is only a misdemeanor offense, and in many nations there it has become prerequisite to lead (Remember the late PLO leader Arafat, and the soon to be late Saddam)

The Buck Stops Where?

In many cases an incompetent person can hurt you more than a dishonest one. Which one is our President?

During the 2000 election George W. Bush promised not to use our military for “Nation Building”, yet now he has committed almost 150,000 American Military to the region to build freedom in Iraq.

Iraq was not a serious threat to national security especially when compared to Syria, Iran, or even Saudi Arabia.

Those desiring liberty must fight for freedom; this whole heart and minds thing failed us in Vietnam, and is costing us American lives in Iraq.

Saddam used (chemical) weapons of mass destruction on Iran, yet Rumsfeld had no problems with this under the Reagan administration.

An Iraqi fighter jet fired upon the USS Stark in 1987 killing 58 and Iraq simply said whoops, and Rumsfeld kept dining with Saddam.

President Bush used the Air National Guard to hide in during Vietnam, while he today uses the Guard and Reserves as a backdoor draft.

There were 9 Inaugural balls held this past week, which are 9 more balls than our president has in his pants.

Suggested Next Steps

Keep supporting our troops until we can bring them home.

Noone seems to have an exit strategy, so let me put this one on the table. Determine a 12-18 month exit strategy and then bring our troops home immediately. If we cannot train Iraqis to defend themselves in this time frame, we never will. We fought for our independence, they need to fight for theirs. If they fail we can tell the U.N. Iraq is just another natural disaster. They may wish to send aid and a couple hundred thousand peace keepers.

Focus on the roadmap to peace in Israel and Palestine.

Borrowing a line from Teddy Roosevelt, declare a “big stick” policy in the Middle East. Clean your house immediately of radical Isalmic terrorist or risk that your nation may be the next natural disaster via “shock and aw”.

Quit asking for Rumsfeld’s resignation, and start asking for the President’s. Our brave men and women in uniform deserve a real leader.

Just Got Off the Shell Phone With Bikini Bottom

The American Taliban, aka the radical christian right strikes again.

Colin Powell Rides Off Into the Sunset

Secretary of State Colin L. Powell
A Leader, a Professional and a Real American Hero.

January 19, 2005

Today Secretary of State Colin Powell said his farewells, and as he said, “never looked back” as he completed yet another tour of duty of service for his nation.

Prior to serving as Secretary of State, Colin Powell was Chairman of America’s Promise-The Alliance for Youth a national nonprofit organization dedicated to mobilizing people from every sector of American life to build the character and competence of young people.

Secretary Powell was a highly decorated professional soldier for 35 years, during which time he rose from the rank of second lieutenant to that of 4-star General. His last assignment, from October 1, 1989 to September 30, 1993, was as the 12th Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the highest military position in the Department of Defense.

So who do you think new more about Iraq Powell who lead America to victory in Operation Desert Storm, or Rumsfeld the man who tossed Saddam’s salad under the Regan administration?

Powell's final tour of duty as our nation’s Secretary of State may have been his most difficult, yet he never swayed from his sense of duty, loyalty or professionalism.

One could certainly argue that it may have been far less difficult for him fighting “Charlie” in the bush of Vietnam, than fighting for common sense in the Bush administration.

Next to Saddam’s former Director of Air Defense leading up to “America's Shock an Aw” campaign, Colin Powell had the second most difficult job in the world serving as a diplomat for George W. Bush. He would attempt to build diplomacy, while the 3 Stooges (Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld) would undermine him at every turn.

Well now "Boy George" has his yes woman in soon to be Secretary Rice (she’ll tumble for you, she’ll tumble for you…), so it looks like full steam ahead and damn the torpedoes!

In an era where true leadership is rare, and sense of duty even rarer, Colin Powell deserves the title of American Hero, and maybe one day President.

For now citizen Powell, happy trails, and may these next few years be as fulfilling for you and your family as life can possibly offer. You've earned it!

On the Fly

Top Gun vs. Flop Gun

January 19, 2005

Just a Little "On the Fly" Goose of our Commander and Chief (Flop Gun)

Top Gun had Goose
Flop Gun has Dick

Top Gun went to the Danger Zone
Flop Gun is the Danger Zone

Top Gun had “The Need for Speed”
Flop Gun has “The Need for Greed”

Top Gun sang, “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling”
Flop Gun lost that loving economy.

Top Gun had great lines.
Flop Gun did great lines.

Top Gun was Maverick
Flop Gun is also a Maverick

Top Gun screwed Kelly McGillis
Flop Gun screws the World

When Top Gun landed on the Carrier, the conflict was over.
When Flop Gun landed on the Carrier the conflict had just begun

Top Gun had a happy ending….

Time to Goose Flop Gun

On the Fly, January 18, 2005

On the Fly
January 18, 2005

The United States and Interim Iraqi Government has announced that for security concerns all borders to Iraq will be officially closed Jan 29-31.

What happened to our president’s eloquent invitation of “bring ‘em on”?

So for those that have procrastinated, or either have just been to busy beating their wives, screwing their camels and bowing to the east, time is running out. There are only 11 more days to participate in your own radical Jihad. So now you know the time tables you better hurry, as elections will be here before you know it.

More importantly, when did we learn how to secure borders?

Where did this knowledge come from? Maybe the Pentagon has outsourced border security to North Korea?

In fact we do such a fine job with our own borders of Mexico and Canada, if similar tactics are deployed to secure borders from terrorists’ havens such as Iran, Syria, and Saudi Arabia, we may be better off to put up toll roads between Iraq and these nations and offset some of the financial burden on the U.S. economy for W’s war in Iraq.

Earthquake and tsunami devastates Indonesia and many other nations, in one of the worst global disasters in modern history.

December 30, 2004

The death toll is now above 115,000 and is still rising in the affected region. Disease from contaminated water and decaying bodies will create even greater problems.

First and foremost, I extend my deepest sympathies and prayers for all the families whose lives have been devastated and forever changed by this disaster.

The people in this region of the world have asked where is the United States?

Meanwhile back at his Crawford, Texas ranch where we last saw our hero, vacationing President George W. Bush waits for almost 4 days to offer condolences and an additional $20 million in US aid, to the original of $15 million already committed.

Although “W” talks like John Wayne, prior to being the leader of the free world, our President was a cheerleader. That’s right! Rumsfeld wrestled, Cheney played football, and Bush well he was a cheerleader (Some say he still shaves his legs)….”So give me a W:”

• It is easy to see why he would spend $40 Million on his Inaugural compared to the initial $35 Million in disaster aid. Hell, this is his Senior Prom.
• The world witnessed “W’s” greatest pep rally atop the rubble of the World Trade Center. This was when the President was at his best, the entire country as well the world was behind the United States, and he was our (cheer) leader. Unfortunately, he has long since spent that collateral. Ask the blondest of cheerleaders and they will tell you it is far easier to motivate the home team fans, rather than those of the visiting rival.
• Just like the stereotype of high school cheerleaders our President prefers to hang out with the guys with the nicest cars, deepest pockets, and biggest… companies, and they all say, “He puts out “!

Yes our (cheer) leader enjoys screwing others:

• He claims to love our military, yet he tries to cut their pay, reduces funding for the VA, and provides sub par housing to the brave families of our nation’s heroes serving so valiantly around the world.
• He expresses his affection for democracy in Iraq, yet he waits almost 4 days to demonstrate any emotion on behalf of the US for Indonesia and other nations impacted by the disaster. Indonesia is the world’s largest Muslim nation, already committed to a democracy, and facing the same “war on terrorism” challenges we do.
• We can only hope that the President will continue this “love em’ and leave em” consistency, using the Christian Right to get elected only to break up with them in his second term.
  

So why did it take the (cheer) leader of the free world almost 4 days to express his and our nation’s condolences? Maybe he was just having difficulty coming up with a word that rhymes with tsunami.

On behalf of the majority of the world and myself, I offer this classic to our Commander and Cheerleader; “Rah-rah ree kick him in the knee, Rah-rah rass kick him in the…!”

Unfortunately, it often takes the worst situations to witness the best in humanity. Our nation has observed and heard the many stories of heroism demonstrated by locals and tourists alike in aiding their fellow man under the most unimaginable of circumstances.

Both the government and private sector of our great nation and other nations throughout the world will provide the resources you need in this time of crisis, you can count on it.

As our President would say, “We’ve got spirit yes we do…!”

This Week’s Political Poop and Global Observation

After thousands of complaints by airline passengers of the female persuasion, the TSA has decided to drop their random breast pat downs.

December 30, 2004

Unfamiliar with this process, it went like this; numbers on the boarding passes randomly selected female passengers. Female TSA (Titty Searching Authority?) workers would then apply a delicate karate chop motion with their hand between these female passengers cleavage, and circle each of their breast in an effort to fine weapons that might be used in an act of terrorism.

Wow, it makes one think:

• What some people call security, your average high school male would consider to be second base.
• If a man gropes a woman on an elevator, is he a pervert or a patriot?
• So why did they not search male passengers, at least a turn their head and cough? After all we all claim to have pocket rockets.
• So who is credited with this brainstorm in national security, The Bird thinks maybe Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter?

Once again the truth is stranger than fiction....

One Bird's Journey Across This Planet

The Bird

Marketing Feeds the Babies

The Birdpoop's Marketing Efforts

Recently Google AdSense approved The Bird Poop blogsite for advertising. Being the capitalist pig I am, The Bird saw nothing wrong with making a few dollars on the time I invested on my idiotic ranting.

After several days of advertisements, many were changed and placed with Public Service Announcements. The Google Team informed me that it sometimes takes their bots 1-2 weeks to scan keywords on new pages and update changes on their Ads index.The Bird thought he would run these bots akin to the way Paul Newman ran the bloodhounds in the movie classic “Cool Hand Luke”. Even technology can use a hand-up, when you are seeking a handout.

After all, the key is to feed the babies. So it is with great shame I introduce to you the reader my new attempt at satire in this keyword mini soap opera, “The Capitalist Pig from The Land of Burger”…

"A Capitalist Pig From The Land of Burger" Part 1

Healthcare Concerns and the Threat of War
Part One

Along time ago in a world not to different from our own there was a great war, on the great continent of Nasdaq that lasted for nearly 100 years between the people of the Land of Burger and the people of the Land of Dairy. Similar to our European history a wedding was arranged between the Dairy Queen and the Burger King uniting these two warring nations.

Unlike many of these types of arrangements there was an instant Love Connection between the young Burger King Lockheed Martin and the beautiful Dairy Queen Elizabeth II.

There was one problem though as it related to intimacy between the King and the Queen. In fact one might say at the risk of execution he suffered from an erectile ailment that made him somewhat Microsoft in their royal bedroom chamber. They tried everything, the Queen even provided the King with passionate Hummers to no resolve.

The King consulted with his trusty wizard and alchemist Lucent regarding this matter and the old wizard concocted a tiny blue pill. He claimed that the pill contained 150 mg of fertility. The pill was initially called the F-150, but it was later branded throughout the kingdom as Viagra. In no time the King went from Microsoft to US Steel. The Queen was very happy. The King and Queen soon proudly announced their first heir, Prince Albert.

For almost three years all was well in the kingdom. But than came the day when little Prince Albert was having difficulty in achieving a bowel movement. This problem festered for days, and once again the king summoned his friend wizard Lucent to see if he could help relieve the young Prince Albert. The wizard used all his Kraft and came through with a serum called Mylicon. The Queen administered the Mylicon to young Prince Albert. Later that day when Prince Albert was in the can, his mother opened the door to check on the young prince. With tears running down his face he said “mommy IBM”.

Once more the ancient wizard Lucent had come to the aid of the royal family’s health needs, and was handsomely rewarded with a brand new pharmaceutical laboratory.

Four years had now past with peace and prosperity throughout the kingdom. The King and Queen proudly announced the birth of their new baby daughter Princess Cruises.

But across the Outback Ocean on the continent of Net Zero trouble was brewing like a Mr. Coffee Pot. The evil Emperor Toyota and his Empress Kia had built a great armada to invade the peaceful kingdom.

When this threat reached the ears of King Lockheed Martin he summoned his friends and great military minds General Electric, General Foods, and General Motors to appear in his court immediately. He also sent his swiftest of messengers to the Isle of Baccardi to summon Captain Morgan to meet he and his three generals at Burger's Capital One to develop a defense strategy.

Will the kingdom be saved? Or is capitalism dead in the Land of Burger? Tune in next week for another cheesy episode of “The Capitalist Pig from The Land of Burger”

A Capitalist Pig From the Land of Burger -Part 2 of 2
Bad News, War Plans and Egos

On a cool Summers Eve Nationwide panic echoed throughout the streets of the kingdom.

Seated in the Capitol One war room were our heroes the Burger King Lockheed Martin and his great military minds General Electric, General Foods, and General Motors.

King Lockheed Martin immediately tells his generals "time is of the Essence", and quickly turns to General Electric, "what are our Intel reports regarding Net Zero’s invasion plans?

"Your highness, the following is my latest briefing from Clear Channel Communications:

The completion of Net Zero’s Fleet is on Target. Their naval force will be led by perhaps the greatest naval tactician and Explorer in the world today Admiral Benbow, and his legendary flagship the Bounty. Within the next 24 hours he will be leading an armada of 40,000 ships out of the E-Bay into the Outback Ocean on a 60 day journey toward our kingdom.

General Foods interrupted the Intel report. “My God we will be lucky if we can scrape together 500 ships, and our greatest naval strategist Captain Crunch died two years ago! We don’t stand a chance in a sea battle with that pirate Captain Morgan and our ragtag Fleet!”

King Lockheed Martin impatiently responded, “I wish we had Captain Crunch as well, but as you know General Foods you go to war with the army you have, and not the one you wish you had. "Please continue with the Intel report General Electric.”

“Well their Old Navy is only half the problem. Their land invasion forces will be led by the brutal General Mills. He has recruited mercenaries from the Isle of Troy. In fact Intel reports claim this number to be 400,000 large vicious Trojans!

Once again General Foods interrupted the Intel report. “Those Trojans are not wrapped to tight. If they penetrate our defenses anarchy will rein throughout the kingdom.”

Entering the Capitol One war room doorway, and in a deep boisterous Shout, Captain Morgan said I guess it is my job to see that the Trojans do not reach Bank One of our kingdom’s shores!

The King jumped back, startled by the entrance of the young Captain Morgan. “Captain Morgan where have you been?”

“Your majesty I regret the delay when your swiftest messenger Jose Quervo reached my home on the Isle of Baccardi, I was not there. I had sailed south to Panama Jack Island to visit my Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben's place. It was not until 36 Hours later that I received your message.”

The Burger King admiring the young Captain Morgan’s confidence said “Sir you do realize you are about to face an Armada led by the Great Admiral Benbow who will outnumber you and our Fleet by 80:1?”

"Your majesty, with my utmost respect I have lived 60% of my life on the Outback seas, 25% of my life in Harrahs Casinos, and the remaining 15% in brothels, 80:1 may be the best odds my eyes have ever seen.”

Reading the situation the elder general, General Motors could tell that the Young King Lockheed Martin was somewhat mesmerized by the charisma of Captain Morgan and in a subtle way took for a moment Master Charge of the conversation. “Captain Morgan I have nothing but respect for your capabilities, but I am not a man of chance. You may talk of your ways of the seven seas, your gambling at Harrahs and your wenches from God knows where. But Dominoes are as a wild as I get in a game of chance, and as for women I married my first love Fannie Mae 50 years ago. You might say in love and war I have learned to hedge my bets. We now have approximately 60 days before the Net Zero Fleet will be off our coastlines. If for some reason you cannot overcome your 80:1 odds at sea, we will need a fall back plan on land that is Absolut, or our kingdom is doomed.

It was almost 1:00 in the afternoon, and The Burger King was unhappy with the ego jousting and bickering among his ranks. He was extremely distraught by the Intel reports, and knew that before he could move forward with these conversations he must bridge this Gap between his military minds. “Gentlemen I appreciate the valuable input each of you have provided me with. While it is no Secret that the situation is somewhat dire, I truly believe our Kingdom to be blessed by the Degree of leadership sitting before me here in our Capitol One war room. We will adjourn our meeting and regroup tonight at my White Castle for Steak and Ale. I will also invite the kingdom’s economical adviser E.F. Hutton and our comptroller Goldman Sachs to help us with our fiscal requirements for this war. I have a feeling it could take every Family Dollar in the kingdom to save it. So bring your appetites, your thirst, and most importantly your ideas for victory against the people of Net Zero, their Fleet, and the Trojans.”

Can the kingdom be saved? Are the Armada and the Trojans a match for the cocky Captian Morgan? Will General Foods bring whine to the King's dinner?

Tune in next week, same blog site, same blog channel for another cheesy episode of "The Capitalist Pig from the Land of Burger".